So before I started this detox I would occassionally get on the scale to see if things were good, bad or ugly. Usually they would end up on the ugly end of the scale but oh well! Now that I have seen some decrease I am obsessed with what that little piece of electronics that sits quietly mocking me under my bathroom sink,says.
In fact I was so obsessed that one day last week I got on it at four different times during the day! Four times. Who needs to get on a scale four times in one day. Well obviously I did but why? I asked myself that the next day when I remembered what I had done and realized that maybe I have a problem. There I said it - the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?
So the question is why? I like the feeling of success I get when I get on the scale and the number is down. To me, that is a better feeling than my tops, or bras or pants fitting better (which they are by the way) or me even just feeling healthier with more energy. I also think I was checking throughout the day to see what the scale said after certain points of the day with different clothing combinations. I know - CRAZY!, but I couldn't help it.
What I have realized in writing this is that, even though I know I shouldn't put so much weight on what the scale says, it is still important to me and how I see myself. Numbers going down mean success. But maybe I can be more normal about how many times a week I check to see how I am doing. Still, I must remember that if the number stalls or goes up, I need to give myself a little break from the scale. Why? Because if it doesn't go down I will get frustrated and mad with myself and quit! End of story. I have done Weight Watchers three times and I "failed" because the number didn't go down the way they wantede them too, even though I was working out, eating better, feeling better and my clothes were fitting way better.
An aside - A month ago I was in my last Pilates session with that trainer at the gym (long story but I am still mad at Goodlife for getting rid of her). I started working out again back in September (to me that is the beginning of the year - not January for some reason) because I knew I needed to do this for me and for Sophie. Working out during the day is great because I can drop the Peanut in child minding and go have time for myself (Lisa that is the only way I get it in most days).
Anyway, I digress. I am working out with Jeanie and I look at her after doing a rather difficult move and say "WOW! Two months ago I would never have thought that move would be easy to do!" I was so impressed with what I had accomplished, I came home that night and showed my hubby who was also impressed because his stomach muscles are missing too!
Today as I sit here I am sure that that move would once again be difficult to do but I remember how good it felt to have stomach strength after 15 months of no strength, so on the off days that I am not at the gym with my new trainer (who is a drill sargeant - not as bad a Jillian yet) I resolve to head into my basement and attempt to get back into Pilates (which I realized I really miss). I also realized that when I was working out in the fall - I would only get on the scale once a week to see how things were going! Hhhhhmmmmmm! Maybe, just maybe, myscrewed up relationship with my scale could be normal again.
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