Starting a New Week

Yesterday, Saturday, was the end of a very long week for me.

It all started Tuesday, when at the gym I found out I have some major, major issues with my left knee. Instead of training, it ended up being a like a physio session, my trainer just trying to sort out what is going on. Good and bad. It along with the rest of my leg hurt like stink for the rest of the week. No pain, no gain, right? Well, when I picked Sophie up from the gym daycare I knew she wasn't feeling well. She never comes over to me crying to go home. She usually wants to stay and play. Tuesday night I ended up cancelling my training session - Sophie wasn't feeling well and well I was beginning to feel really conjested and unwell. Maybe a good thing.

Wednesday, Sophie was up early so she and I snuggled on the couch for a few more minutes of sleep. Instead of snoozing, I couldn't get over the very strange sound that our fridge was making. We have known since we bought the house that the fridge would most likely be the first appliance to be replaced. It has always made a very loud noise when the motor would come on. In fact, we got about five more years than we thought out of it so not bad. The more I listened the more it became very apparent that it wasn't going to last long. I dealt with the freezer stuff, taking it down to our big freezer. At this point I was miffed - my hubby didn't seem the least interested in dealing with the fridge. Yes he did have to go to work, and yes Wednesday is racing night but still. Our fridge is dying and you think it will last until Thursday so we can go shopping then. Whatever!!!

Wednesday also saw an argument with my child over changing her butt (really a meltdown of epic porportions) resulting in me putting her on the floor without a diaper while I cooled down. In hindsight, it was obvious that she wasn't feeling well at all. So, what happens when you put a crying, half naked baby on the floor to continue their temper tantrum? They pee on the floor. Not her fault at all, just one more thing though. And now I not only have to try and get a diaper on her I now have to change her onesie and socks! I also spilled coffee all over my kitchen table, floor and laptop. Luckily - the laptop still works!!

After an interesting hour of shopping with my mom - I was actually able to buy something from the regular size of Reitmans, we returned home to find out that indeed we were going out Fridge shopping after all. We did, we bought, but what - delivery wasn't available until the following Wednesday. WHAT? Again, my hubby thought that a miracle would happen and the fridge would somehow resurect itself and last another week. Needless to say - he isn't a betting man and a good thing too. All right, somehow we will make this work. Luckily it is winter in Canada. Outdoor refrigeration rocks, but it also makes you realize how many times you go into your fridge in a day.

So I thought our day had turned around until bedtime. I thought Sophie had eaten too much supper and that was why she couldn't settle. The only way to get her to sleep was with me. Etienne tried to put her to bed when he got home, well soon after that, the crying started and then so did the vomit. It was the longest, nerve wracking, few hours of our life. Just as we would all get settled - Sophie on top of me or in my lap - it would start all over again. In this moment of parenting truth, you really learn how you will be under pressure. Even my hubby commended me the next day on how calm I was, even when covered in puke. Well, what good is it going to do for me to get upset. One of us is already there, no need to add to the drama.

Thursday morning we woke up hoping today would be better and it was. In fact everything was good until Friday lunch! Dah, dah! I started getting the twinges that there was something wrong soon after starting to eat. I have been diligent about what we eat these days. Nothing that could go bad that was in the fridge came near us. So this was something different. I got Sophie down for her nap and well then it began for me. Luckily Etienne had come home at lunch. I was down for the count - the flu had got me too. Now I understood why Sophie had felt so awful Wednesday night. Etienne made it to about 9:30 Friday night and then it took him out too.

It has been a very long weekend, after a very long week, of sickies - Sophie included still. I had a good day on Saturday while my dear hubby was down for the count. Then what we think was more dehydration than flu hit me again on Sunday. Fortunately, I think we are on the mend. Overall, I have gathered a new appreciation for illness. Without kids you have no worries, just yourself or your significant other. You can stay in bed or lay on the couch, with no interruptions. With kids, it is a whole new game.

First, when they are sick and can't talk and tell you what is wrong there are so many things you need to try to figure out and hope you are right. I felt a lot of guilt on Wednesday for what happened to Sophie. But as this was an area we had never visited before, how would I have known. Then, when you are sick and they are feeling better, life has to still go on. I remember my sister-in-law saying that once "Sheila, moms don't get a day off even when you are sick!". How right you are Lisa.

Life does still go on. Even when everything you think could go wrong has gone wrong, and you are at that point where you just don't think you can take anymore - you still need to move forward. Instead of whallowing in your misery, you need to figure out different coping strategies for getting through this situation. Then when everyone is healthy again and all your appliances work, you add those new coping strategies to your arsenal and store them away to be used and adapted for the next time you run into the flu and appliance malfunctions. And let me tell, both can stay away from my house for another five years!!

PMS - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

WOW! I am tired of PMS. You would think after 25 years of dealing with it on a monthly basis, except when I was preggers and breastfeeding , that I would have a handle on it. The last two months have been brutal.

I have noticed that I am very short today with hubby and baby. It doesn't help that baby only had a half hour nap this morning in the car when she was out with daddy and then 15 minutes this afternoon or when I say things like maybe daddy should take Sophie downstairs to play for a little before bed - I am not saying it to hear the sound of my own voice. So instead Houdini Baby decides that she is going down on her own and slides under the gate and is on her way. Why was he surprised? It is only 7 p.m. and she is already on her way to bed. Sweet dreams little one.

I remember my mom saying to me once that she always knew when my monthly visitor was coming because for at least one day, if not more, I had no patience and well I was a Bitch! Yes my mother said it. I noticed yesterday, on the most romantic day of the year, that I was already feeling short and with no patience. Today was even worse.

Thing is, because I know I am like this I hold my emotions in severe check and instead of letting it out when I need to, I walk away from disagreements, stupid comments, and crying babies and beat myself up about the way I am feeling or better yet I will mumble and mutter under my breath about all the things I want to say or names I would like to call someone. So instead, I sound like a crazy person. Maybe I am.

One day I will figure out how to deal with these emotions. How not to let them run my life, leaving me feeling calm, cool and collected. In the meantime I need to go and fold my clothes because for some reason my hubby (so many names) hasn't figured out how to fold mine while he folds his. Yeah, and he wonders why sometimes I walk around grumpy and don't speak to him. Oh well . . .

February 13

I am supposed to be heading off to the gym right now but instead I sit here and type. You see I have been delayed today because I had a little girl who refused to get dressed and eat. Oh well. We will get there eventually. Also it is snowing right now - big beautiful flakes, and really is it my place to mess that up! I know, not really an excuse.

I think this blog has been perculating in my head all week. Why? Well, before now I don't think I was ready to face it. You see I have been doing some serious self discovery this week. It came to an ugly head on Thursday when I ate something I truly shouldn't have and know subconsciously that I shouldn't have, but did it anyway.

Let me start at the beginning - Tuesday I found out my friend's mom passed away. This hit me harder than I thought it would and I think it put me in a funk for most of the week thus causing my Thursday eating misadventure. I also wasn't prepared for lunch that day and instead of going home and eating after gym and our playdate, we went for lunch with our friends to a local establishment popular with children (that is all I will say). By mid afternoon I knew I had made a major mistake and that my system was going to punish me for the rest of the day as a result. And rightfully so! Why should it respect me when I had so little respect for it. Still I do not beat myself up for this action, I am using it as a learning opportunity.

As I said earlier, I have been thinking this week about a lot of things - my eating habits, working out, family, death, life, running, what is really important to me. Let's go back even further, to the end of January because that is where this really starts.

At a family visit, I found out that my sister-in-law is pre-diabetic. They called it some other name to cushion the blow, but really, let's call a spade a spade. She does have a family history of diabetes in her family. She was also gestational with my nephew when she was expecting him 16 years ago. I think this has been in the back of my head for the past couple of weeks. I was gestational with Sophie and the Endocrinologist did say that there was a higher chance of me having diabetes down the line because of this. There is also a higher chance of having it again, should we get pregnant. I know I didn't take her seriously at the time. Now I am not saying that I have diabetes or am panicking about getting it - I think this discovery about my sister-in-law has just brought it to the forefront - health wise speaking.

Since the end of the detox, I have been floundering, trying to find my place in all of this. I understand why Clean Eating is a good choice. But is it the right choice for me. I ended up speaking with four friends who have taken their health into their own hands. I respect what each has done for themselves and their bodies and I wanted to get a better understanding of what they were doing. One is all for clean eating, and the other three focus on exercise and diet, watching what they eat but not completely cutting gluten, dairy and sugar from their diets. I have done a lot of reading on top of this and had countless conversations with my husband and my trainer as well.

So what conclusions have I drawn - #1 exercise for me is key these days. With it I definitely feel better, have more energy, get better sleep. My trainer was away in Las Vegas this week so it was a real test to see if I would kick my own butt and get to the gym. I did - I made it three times. I did get there this morning after all - I left an out of sorts girl (who is actually very unwell at the moment) at home with daddy. I felt so much better and happy I had gone.

#2 - What we eat is so important to our everyday health. I realized today that I really need to refocus myself, what and how we eat. As we already have to watch out for Sophie's peanut allergy (yeah I am that mom) and my husband's every other nut allergy (yeah you read right)I am very diligent about reading labels and ingredients trying to make the best possible choices for our family. I find this challenging most days. Thing is with what I have read to date in clean eating recipes, a lot of the substitions they use involve nuts - almonds especially. I love almonds but I refuse to make one meal for me and one for my family. That just won't work!

Now I am sure that I can substitute out for better grain choices from the nuts, but this is going to require more research and time. I know we will get there but just not today, tomorrow or maybe even next week. One of my friends made a very good point. - she likes things that are bad for her, but she doesn't look at them like that anymore. Instead of beating herself for these missteps and continuing to call them bad, she looks at them as learning experiences and moves forward. Mistakes happen though I honestly think she doesn't let these mistakes happen very often. Let's move on.

I have decided to take it one day and week at a time right now. I have lost 14 pounds to date and that is a great accomplishment. I want to see that scale go down again next week so this week I am committing to really watching what I eat and when I eat it. Time to move forward.

P.S. I didn't realize how much of an emotional eater I really was. That is another blog for another day!

The newest angel . . .

I just found out this afternoon that a good friend's mom passed away on the weekend. My heart aches for her and her family because this has been a long hard struggle for them. Having beaten two rounds of Cancer in the past four years, things were really beginning to look up again for her. Unfortunately, no one saw the congestive heart failure caused by the chemo, not even her doctors, lurking around the corner just waiting to strike.

Last week they knew it was bad, they just didn't know it was going to turn even worse so quickly. In speaking with her today though, I am astounded by my friend's strength and resolve. I know she has had horrible moments in the last five days, she told me about some of them, but we also talked a lot about quality of life.

When I worked at Parkwood, in what feels like a million years ago now, I learned very quickly about quality of life from all angles - the impact on the patient now and in the future; the impact on the family now and in the future; making sure that your wishes are known so that in these trying times, the right thing can be done. I didn't get the sense that this family had had that conversation -- who knew they would have to -- but it was clear that they knew what mom wouldn't have wanted - to be hooked up indefinitely to life support on the off chance she might pull through. That is no way for her to live or for the family who is left behind. In this situation, no matter how you feel, you just can't be selfish.

They are having a small private family funeral on Thursday at 1 p.m. I know my friend has already said her goodbyes. I hope she takes that moment and many more for years to come to celebrate the wonderful woman who was her mother. And in an ironic twist of fate she also told me that she is 3 1/2 months pregnant. This baby will have one of the funniest and kindest guardian angels looking down over them. Rest in peace.

Coffee

I know it seems weird for a post title, but I have realized that in order for me to get up and going in the morning, I need my cup of joe. I take it black with just a hint of cinnamon! Yum.

Why is this important - well - you see I had great intentions today to get back down in my basement and get some more stuff sorted, cleaned and organized. Even with my sleeping in until 8:15 I figured yes today is the day to get lots done. Nope! We headed out to complete some errands this morning and by the time we got home it was lunch time and time to put someone down for her nap - which I have to say was a good one today (2 hours 10 minutes). I followed soon after for my own nap because I was wiped out. When I got up I realized that I hadn't had my morning wake me up which always helps for some reason clear the cobwebs for the day. It has also been a bad week sleep wise and that finally caught up with me.

Now we did get some very important things done this morning - organizing the front closet and finally putting the summer shoes away for the next few months. Sorting and cleaning out the "Tupperware" drawer - throwing out those dishes that have seen better days or are missing lids or bottoms and just generally making it clean and tidy. Paying the babysitter for her time on Tuesday, calling a friend to confirm the time of the birthday party we need to go to tomorrow. Making lunch and supper for the family, all the while hubby did the laundry and lots of dishes by hand and in the dishwasher. My last job of the night is to get the Peanuts clothes folded and figure out what doesn't fit anymore (this always makes me sad!)

Overall, we had a very productive day, just not what I had intended on getting done. Oh well. There is always tomorrow. In fact I will make my coffee before I head upstairs, that way I only have to push a button in the morning. I should be able to handle that.

Blue Box Bloopers

So have you ever read page 11 of the City of London Recycling Calendar. I have. Did you know that you are not allowed to put bakery/food trays and clamshell containers in your recycling. In fact one morning a couple of months ago, Etienne just happened to be heading off to work when our recycling was picked up. The worker actually stopped him and said basically we can put in cans, plastic water bottles and regular plastic containers, for example the kinds used for sour cream and margarine. That is it. Whomever the city is using for recycling doesn't have the capacity to take the other items, even though they are marked with the right numbers if you go the City website. Sheesh!

As a parent of a child who eats lots of fruit and I a lot of vegis these days, this is a royal pain in the butt. Most fruit is sold in these containers, along with salad greens, tomatoes, etc. So now, even though I am trying to be a good parent and feed my child and my family healthy food, I can't recycle the containers these foods come in, therefore filling up our landfills quicker - you see where I am going with this.

Every now and then I try again just to see if the rules have changed and there my clamshell containers sit. Unloved and sitting alone in the blue box still. Just like this morning. So I would like to suggest, before the city develop a green bin program (which I think is a great idea - I have been composting since we bought our house), they sort out these recycling issues! Just a thought . . .

Bedtime

I really should be heading to bed myself even though it is only 8:20 p.m., but I need to get something off my chest before I do.

You see I was just trying to get my daughter down. Most nights lately it is a challenge. She has dropped to one nap which is great but she is now sleeping two to two and a half hours in the afternoon which has been throwing off when she is going down now at night. We have been desperately trying to keep the same schedule but it has been hard the last couple of weeks.I know she was ready for bed tonight, but she wasn't quite there so we were just hanging out - rocking in her room, telling stories, snuggling.

Before she falls asleep, she will turn over onto her belly and put her head on my shoulder. She had just settled in to this position and who comes in to check how things are going but my hubby. Daddy is here to save the day - TA DA!

Well of course, she sits up, starts fussing and now we have to start all over again, except that she now wants daddy to cuddle with. I love the bond that these two are developing, she is truly daddy's girl, but hey buddy - where were you half an hour ago when I started this process. You could have offered to do the whole thing tonight. Oh yeah, you were reading.

Yeah sure, you did the dishes after supper tonight but that was only because I was upstairs, changing yet another poopy diaper and then continuing to fold and put away the laundry (and keeping the child amused at the same time), that you started and didn't finish Saturday, leaving me to finish that off yesterday while you went off racing from very, very early morning to after I went to bed last night. You could have at least put the toys in the livingroom away. It took me a whole two minutes to do when I came back downstairs.

I have been trying to figure out what is really at the root of the anger I feel when these moments arise. I think a lot of it still stems from a "conversation" he and I had back in September - about how he didn't feel it was fair that I expected him to come home and clean and cook after he had worked all day . . . I was staying home, that was my job now. Can you say 1950's mentality! Sweetheart, did you also want me to meet you at the door in my good dress, pearls and pumps with your drink in one hand and the clean, and ready for bed toddler in the other, while supper simmers away on the stove? WTF! Some days I really wonder what value he puts on staying at home and raising our child.

I have no answers for this one. As I said at the top, I just really needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.