I don't think it ia any surprise that I love food. Last night I went out with my hubby for a much needed date for our 5th anniversary. We went to a lovely restaurant downtown and so enjoyed our meal! It was yummy! I don't know if you would call me a foodie, but I might be.
Thing is, once again, I feel like my love/hate relationship with food has returned for the time being. In my 28th week I was once again diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I have to say though that my numbers are not near as high as they were the first time around. And instead of going straight to insulin to bring my numbers down we are going to try and control them with food. This is good. Thing is I hate being told what I can and cannot eat. Hum - reminds me of someone little I know! (Apple = tree in this case).
I don't know why but this time around, either because I am more aware of the complications that GD can cause with the baby and me, or simply because I have been down this road before, I feel more confident to do this without insulin this time. It could also be because my numbers are not near as high too.
I also think because I have been through this once, I have been better prepared and have asked better questions. For instance - my elevated fast number - why is that happening when I can get the rest under control by morning snack. Is it because I am not eating enough carb and protein at night, during the day? How does undereating my carbs allocations impact my numbers and my body? How does exercise impact overall? I did find out that just 5-10 minutes of exercise right after breakfast will help to bring down my morning numbers and with just 30 to 40 minutes a day I can also help to bring my fasting numbers lower too. This is good to know, and yes, the good thing is that chasing a 2 year old around does count as activity!!! :) Still, 5-10 minutes after breakie, when you aren't awake is tough to do.
I have definitely seen lower numbers with just three days of more regular exercise but my mornings are still a little high. I am working at trying to figure out the best combination of food at night and then food for breakfast to stay under my 7.8. Caffeine first thing is out because that can actually hold onto sugar thus elevating my numbers at breakfast. As coffee is my after breakfast treat, peppermint tea helps me greet the day!
Yes I can't have exactly what I want when I want it right now but that is okay. I can still have the occassional treat. It is just really hard to say no when all those iddy biddy chocolate bars are hanging out in the stores for Halloween. Even though they still call out to me when I walk by, "Sheila, oh Sheila, I am over here"! I just pretend they are talking to someone else in the store!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
A Day of Thanksgiving
I believe I am a very thankful person. I appreciate the life we have, the friends, the family, my incredible hubby and my precious daughter. The allergy scare that we experienced the Sunday of Thanksgiving, around noon, has made me sit back and relish just how lucky we are.
So Sunday, I was making dessert (yummy, yummy Black Bottom Dessert) to take to my family's Thanksgiving Dinner at my brothers. My little helper had just had her lunch and was getting ready for her nap. She had been helping my make the dessert in the morning, so the step stool that she had been standing on to supervise was still in its place waiting for her return. She came to see how I was progressing on dessert and decided while there to taste what mommy had made. When I saw her licking the beater's I wasn't worried - only contained butter, icing sugar, eggs and vanilla. It was as I was finishing the clean up, and I heard her start to cough a lot that I realized there was something going on. By the time I turned to look at her (2-3 minutes tops) she was starting to break out in hives and was starting to have problems breathing.
Needless to say the next few minutes are a bit of a blur - I ran to get the Benadryl to give her as she wasn't to the point where I needed to administer her Epi-pen. I tried to get her to take the Benadryl, which didn't work and then then the vomiting started. Okay - get it out of your system that is good was all I could think. Still once that was done you could tell she was still having problems breathing. So at this point I called my hubby, told him what was happening and that I was taking her to the hospital. I wasn't playing around with this.
As we were leaving she seemed better, though kept scratching at her neck because it was itchy and bugging her (hives). On the way to the hospital, the vomit started again (remember I am pregnant and in an enclosed space) and this one dwarfed the first, but she got everything out of her system that time. By the time we got to the hospital (which thankfully wasn't busy at all) she seemed a thousand times better. Still, we were there, might as well get her checked.
I am truly thankful that we have a leading class Children's Hospital in our town. Our doctor, the staff and most of the nurses at the hospital were great - though stumped by what had caused this. Considering she seemed back to normal by the time we got in and got checked out! I figured we were being labelled as overprotective parents until . . .well the one look the nurse gave me as I ate a Larabar while we waited, told the whole story.
You know when you meet someone who you can just tell doesn't like you, even if you have never met that person before. Well that was the sense I got from this nurse yesterday.
You have to remember, all this took place over the lunch hour, so guess who didn't get to eat - 28 weeks pregnant and not eating (not even thinking about the Gestational Diabetes aspect) just don't go together. To me the Larabar was a saviour at the bottom of my purse.
Thing is, there are no peanuts anywhere in our house and I am diligent about reading labels and making sure that the things she is eating are peanut and nut free (even though we have to troubles with other nuts). Yes I know that things happen and peanuts can get in even where they aren't supposed to but that wasn't the case yesterday. And no I wasn't eating a Larabar while making the dessert, which brings us back to the end of our visit to the ER. The doctor had cleared us to leave, was going to send a referral to the allergist we had seen a year ago when this all started, when she came back and closed the curtain, which I thought was weird but somehow knew what was coming.
Only at the end of our visit did she ask about the "granola bar" I was eating. I told her I don't keep the kind with peanuts in our house and this one contained almonds and cashews. I know those sneaky peanuts could be in there too, but the point is, I wasn't eating anything, ANYTHING, when all this went down. And while I ate this, did you notice it having an adverse affect on my child? NO! Also, I haven't had a Larabar in weeks and the last time was probably in the car while running errands. Once again, a closed in space and no ill affects then?
The doctor went on about Cross contamination and how we have to be extra careful, especially when dealing with an allergy like this one. I know she is just doing her job but after all this, it just made me angry!
First and foremost, if you are going to question my parenting - do it when we get there or when you see me eating the dreaded granola bar. At least give me the chance to defend myself instead of allowing me to feel that I have been judged and convicted without a proper trial! Okay that may be a little overdramatic but still, I already felt guilty enough about what had happened and was racking my brain to try to figure out what could have caused it without the additional judgement being place on me.
We may never know what caused yesterday's attack. What I will take from this is that we will continue to be diligent about what Sophie eats, we have too. I have also spent enough time worrying about what that doctor and nurse think I might have done or caused. I am the one who know's what was happening in our house, when it happened. For the love of my child and the fact that she is perfectly fine today - I am truly thankful!
So Sunday, I was making dessert (yummy, yummy Black Bottom Dessert) to take to my family's Thanksgiving Dinner at my brothers. My little helper had just had her lunch and was getting ready for her nap. She had been helping my make the dessert in the morning, so the step stool that she had been standing on to supervise was still in its place waiting for her return. She came to see how I was progressing on dessert and decided while there to taste what mommy had made. When I saw her licking the beater's I wasn't worried - only contained butter, icing sugar, eggs and vanilla. It was as I was finishing the clean up, and I heard her start to cough a lot that I realized there was something going on. By the time I turned to look at her (2-3 minutes tops) she was starting to break out in hives and was starting to have problems breathing.
Needless to say the next few minutes are a bit of a blur - I ran to get the Benadryl to give her as she wasn't to the point where I needed to administer her Epi-pen. I tried to get her to take the Benadryl, which didn't work and then then the vomiting started. Okay - get it out of your system that is good was all I could think. Still once that was done you could tell she was still having problems breathing. So at this point I called my hubby, told him what was happening and that I was taking her to the hospital. I wasn't playing around with this.
As we were leaving she seemed better, though kept scratching at her neck because it was itchy and bugging her (hives). On the way to the hospital, the vomit started again (remember I am pregnant and in an enclosed space) and this one dwarfed the first, but she got everything out of her system that time. By the time we got to the hospital (which thankfully wasn't busy at all) she seemed a thousand times better. Still, we were there, might as well get her checked.
I am truly thankful that we have a leading class Children's Hospital in our town. Our doctor, the staff and most of the nurses at the hospital were great - though stumped by what had caused this. Considering she seemed back to normal by the time we got in and got checked out! I figured we were being labelled as overprotective parents until . . .well the one look the nurse gave me as I ate a Larabar while we waited, told the whole story.
You know when you meet someone who you can just tell doesn't like you, even if you have never met that person before. Well that was the sense I got from this nurse yesterday.
You have to remember, all this took place over the lunch hour, so guess who didn't get to eat - 28 weeks pregnant and not eating (not even thinking about the Gestational Diabetes aspect) just don't go together. To me the Larabar was a saviour at the bottom of my purse.
Thing is, there are no peanuts anywhere in our house and I am diligent about reading labels and making sure that the things she is eating are peanut and nut free (even though we have to troubles with other nuts). Yes I know that things happen and peanuts can get in even where they aren't supposed to but that wasn't the case yesterday. And no I wasn't eating a Larabar while making the dessert, which brings us back to the end of our visit to the ER. The doctor had cleared us to leave, was going to send a referral to the allergist we had seen a year ago when this all started, when she came back and closed the curtain, which I thought was weird but somehow knew what was coming.
Only at the end of our visit did she ask about the "granola bar" I was eating. I told her I don't keep the kind with peanuts in our house and this one contained almonds and cashews. I know those sneaky peanuts could be in there too, but the point is, I wasn't eating anything, ANYTHING, when all this went down. And while I ate this, did you notice it having an adverse affect on my child? NO! Also, I haven't had a Larabar in weeks and the last time was probably in the car while running errands. Once again, a closed in space and no ill affects then?
The doctor went on about Cross contamination and how we have to be extra careful, especially when dealing with an allergy like this one. I know she is just doing her job but after all this, it just made me angry!
First and foremost, if you are going to question my parenting - do it when we get there or when you see me eating the dreaded granola bar. At least give me the chance to defend myself instead of allowing me to feel that I have been judged and convicted without a proper trial! Okay that may be a little overdramatic but still, I already felt guilty enough about what had happened and was racking my brain to try to figure out what could have caused it without the additional judgement being place on me.
We may never know what caused yesterday's attack. What I will take from this is that we will continue to be diligent about what Sophie eats, we have too. I have also spent enough time worrying about what that doctor and nurse think I might have done or caused. I am the one who know's what was happening in our house, when it happened. For the love of my child and the fact that she is perfectly fine today - I am truly thankful!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
My Baby is Turning 2!
I know, I know. She isn't a baby anymore! She is a toddler and every day, more and more an active, outgoing, fun loving, independent, stubborn, creative, engineer in training, people person! Such a big little girl! So many times a day I look at her and what she is doing and see my husband in her - there is no doubt she has his engineering brain! But then every now and then, more on the now these days, I see some of me popping out in her - she is definitely a people person and I know where she got that from!
Everyday is an adventure and as we move closer to 2,I am terrified of what is yet to come. I think this is because I see more and more the range of emotions that she is just learning she has and has to control. Of course everything is "MINE", and if she doesn't get her way, total meltdown is only a tantrum away. Now I know there are ways to control these - if she is tired or hungry, the meltdown will be on a grander scale! Yet, I also know that these are just a part of her learning and growing. She will eventually grow out of these too, just not anytime soon!
I guess part of my fear stems from being able to keep up with her once the new baby is here. I have never been one to just go with the flow - I am a planner and need to have all the information in front of me. NO SURPRISES! I guess this too will teach me more about patience while at the same time LOVE. I love my daughter with all my heart and know that I will love both equally, I just want to make sure that Sophie knows it.
So as we move closer to 2, which I am finding a harder transition than her turning 1 I will treasure each moment (even the tantrums) and continue to love her more and more each day. Some days it will test my patience to the extreme but I know that we will come out on top.
Everyday is an adventure and as we move closer to 2,I am terrified of what is yet to come. I think this is because I see more and more the range of emotions that she is just learning she has and has to control. Of course everything is "MINE", and if she doesn't get her way, total meltdown is only a tantrum away. Now I know there are ways to control these - if she is tired or hungry, the meltdown will be on a grander scale! Yet, I also know that these are just a part of her learning and growing. She will eventually grow out of these too, just not anytime soon!
I guess part of my fear stems from being able to keep up with her once the new baby is here. I have never been one to just go with the flow - I am a planner and need to have all the information in front of me. NO SURPRISES! I guess this too will teach me more about patience while at the same time LOVE. I love my daughter with all my heart and know that I will love both equally, I just want to make sure that Sophie knows it.
So as we move closer to 2, which I am finding a harder transition than her turning 1 I will treasure each moment (even the tantrums) and continue to love her more and more each day. Some days it will test my patience to the extreme but I know that we will come out on top.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Lifes Twists and Turns
So, I know it has been a long while since I last blogged. Life has taken some crazy turns in the past weeks and well, my brain wasn't really in the writing mode! Also, every time I sat down to write I would be interrupted to go and "play" or some other reason!
What's been going on? Well for starters, my child is back to her old ways of waking up at night, needing mommy and a bottle to get back to sleep. Chock it up to teeth, having a cold that lasted forever, trying to sort out how to get her to fall asleep on her own, going away to the cottage for a week, food issues and not wanting to eat these days - you name it, we have run the gambit! I do have to say though that while she has been driving me crazy at nights, she is a great napper now. Down around 12:30generally and out for 2 to 2 1/2hours some days. It is lovely to have a child that is finally so predictable in this area.
Still I wonder how I got to this point. My child is now 21 months old, we are pregnant with our second - due late December, and I am still at home. The last part seems to be the most surprising to people. Why? I was always the go-go-go person. Had two jobs, maybe more, volunteered, did lots of stuff. But honestly I can say that the most rewarding job I have ever had is being a mom.
Staying home well that was because I wanted out of fundraising and just couldn't put my child in daycare. (Kudos to all the moms I know who do work! It just wasn't the right choice for us).I am fortunate to have a husband who has a very good job that allows me to stay home and raise our child. Still I struggle with making sure she is properly stimulated and is on the appropriate "learning curve" versus the crap that needs to be done around the house. If I could just focus on her as my only task I would love it! There is no shortage of things we can do - in and out of the house! It is how do I fit in the laundry, dishes, and general day to day, let alone now start try to clean out the office which will become Sophie's bedroom?
Babysitter - says it in one word. Our next door neighbour is 16 and Sophie just loves her. So I have taken the bull by the horns last week and when we can am bringing her in to babysit, just so that I can get some stuff done around the house this summer - especially in the office. There is nothing like the prospect of having another child to kick your butt in high gear to get those things done around the house that you may have been procrastinating on - just ask my hubby, he has been a machine getting the house painted after 6 years, the cedars in our backyard removed, the garden shed cleaned out along with the garage. Now if I could just get him to focus on the office with me for a day . . . Well a girl can dream can't she!
What's been going on? Well for starters, my child is back to her old ways of waking up at night, needing mommy and a bottle to get back to sleep. Chock it up to teeth, having a cold that lasted forever, trying to sort out how to get her to fall asleep on her own, going away to the cottage for a week, food issues and not wanting to eat these days - you name it, we have run the gambit! I do have to say though that while she has been driving me crazy at nights, she is a great napper now. Down around 12:30generally and out for 2 to 2 1/2hours some days. It is lovely to have a child that is finally so predictable in this area.
Still I wonder how I got to this point. My child is now 21 months old, we are pregnant with our second - due late December, and I am still at home. The last part seems to be the most surprising to people. Why? I was always the go-go-go person. Had two jobs, maybe more, volunteered, did lots of stuff. But honestly I can say that the most rewarding job I have ever had is being a mom.
Staying home well that was because I wanted out of fundraising and just couldn't put my child in daycare. (Kudos to all the moms I know who do work! It just wasn't the right choice for us).I am fortunate to have a husband who has a very good job that allows me to stay home and raise our child. Still I struggle with making sure she is properly stimulated and is on the appropriate "learning curve" versus the crap that needs to be done around the house. If I could just focus on her as my only task I would love it! There is no shortage of things we can do - in and out of the house! It is how do I fit in the laundry, dishes, and general day to day, let alone now start try to clean out the office which will become Sophie's bedroom?
Babysitter - says it in one word. Our next door neighbour is 16 and Sophie just loves her. So I have taken the bull by the horns last week and when we can am bringing her in to babysit, just so that I can get some stuff done around the house this summer - especially in the office. There is nothing like the prospect of having another child to kick your butt in high gear to get those things done around the house that you may have been procrastinating on - just ask my hubby, he has been a machine getting the house painted after 6 years, the cedars in our backyard removed, the garden shed cleaned out along with the garage. Now if I could just get him to focus on the office with me for a day . . . Well a girl can dream can't she!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Cheating on my House!
I feel like I am cheating on my house. I also feel like I am being buried alive by all the stuff in my house! I know that I need to really make a concerted effort to start going through things and getting rid of some of this stuff and organize the rest, but how do you do that with a toddler?
I am truly struggling with this these days. I have so many little projects started but nothing finished that it is beginning to drive me crazy. I feel that all I do each day is the bare minimum to get us through the day - laundry (maybe one load, two if we are having a good day), dishes, cleaning up toys, maybe get the bathroom clean, make meals. I have great plans each morning - today I am going bake something yummy for my family, or I am going to sort through the clothes in the office and get them packed away or I am going dust my bedroom. Still none of it gets done.
The one reason for all of this is the time I spent at the gym from January to April -2 hours a day, 3 days a week. By the time I would get to the gym and then home it was time for lunch and then naps (I can't seem to give up my afternoon nap no matter how hard I try). My workouts would seriously kick my butt so that I would need them. Now I think it is just a habit. I don't regret this though - I lost 19 inches overall and feel really good. Now I haven't been to the gym in a week so I need to figure out how to fit it back into my schedule this week but still . . . Part of me thinks I need some time with my home!
So starting tomorrow I am somehow going to knock one TO DO off my list. Start slowly and take it one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day and we certainly didn't accumulate all this stuff over night so we will take our time and see what we can get done! Wish me luck!
I am truly struggling with this these days. I have so many little projects started but nothing finished that it is beginning to drive me crazy. I feel that all I do each day is the bare minimum to get us through the day - laundry (maybe one load, two if we are having a good day), dishes, cleaning up toys, maybe get the bathroom clean, make meals. I have great plans each morning - today I am going bake something yummy for my family, or I am going to sort through the clothes in the office and get them packed away or I am going dust my bedroom. Still none of it gets done.
The one reason for all of this is the time I spent at the gym from January to April -2 hours a day, 3 days a week. By the time I would get to the gym and then home it was time for lunch and then naps (I can't seem to give up my afternoon nap no matter how hard I try). My workouts would seriously kick my butt so that I would need them. Now I think it is just a habit. I don't regret this though - I lost 19 inches overall and feel really good. Now I haven't been to the gym in a week so I need to figure out how to fit it back into my schedule this week but still . . . Part of me thinks I need some time with my home!
So starting tomorrow I am somehow going to knock one TO DO off my list. Start slowly and take it one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day and we certainly didn't accumulate all this stuff over night so we will take our time and see what we can get done! Wish me luck!
Monday, April 12, 2010
All Done!
These are two words my daughter is very good at saying these days - ALL DONE! We use it at dinner time generally to tell us when she is finished eating. But we have started using it at other times - like when we are playing, reading stories, or at the end of bath time.
She says it with such fervor - ALLLL Done! ALLL Done! It makes us laugh each time she says it. We did teach her the sign language for all done - waving your hands to the sides and this did work for a long time, but we always said the words too just so she would learn it eventually. Well that day came - the signing stopped and the words came, eagerly.
So ALLL Done! works at the end of dinner or when mommy has had a long day and she is ALLLL Done! All done will also be monumental for me on Wednesday as I have my last and final training session. I will be ALLLLL Done! And I feel somewhat guilty saying this but I am looking forward to being done.
Why? Well, simply, I need a change in programs and what I am doing. I also think I need a little more flexibility in when I go to the gym. Since January, I have been going 3 days a week, sometimes less, sometimes more, still 3 days a week at 9:00 in the morning. That was the best time for us and really helped to establish a good routine. In fact, at least 5 out of 7 days a week we are out of the house by 9:00 a.m. I am looking forward to next week when I can choose to go or not go.
The thing that worries me though is falling off the wagon and continuously making excuses not to go - oh the laundry needs to be done, the house needs to be cleaned, we had a rough night of sleep - even as I write them they all sound lame. Even in the last 3 weeks, with bad nights of sleep, I have gotten my butt in gear and gone. But will the "pressure" to go disappear when my trainer does? I think because I am aware of this worry, I will be cognizant of making sure that doesn't happen. I still plan on trying to keep a pretty similar schedule - there by 9ish - but if we want to go to playgroup we will have a better chance of getting there with more than 1/2 hour left!
All in all, I am looking forward to the change that is coming. I will be developing my own program. I have done a lot of learning about my body - mostly about the hurts - I have patella femoral syndrome in my left knee and possibly a leftover car accident injury (shoulder) from 14 years ago. I have also spent a lot of time listening (to my trainer), asking questions, reading and learning in the past 4 months and for the first time in a long time I am excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. I can see the changes that have taken place in my body - my calf muscles are a lot closer to being the same size again! And I look forward to continuing my fitness journey. But sshhhh! Don't tell my trainer but between you and I, I don't plan on going near the chest press machine any time soon! Somehow I don't think it will miss me either :)
She says it with such fervor - ALLLL Done! ALLL Done! It makes us laugh each time she says it. We did teach her the sign language for all done - waving your hands to the sides and this did work for a long time, but we always said the words too just so she would learn it eventually. Well that day came - the signing stopped and the words came, eagerly.
So ALLL Done! works at the end of dinner or when mommy has had a long day and she is ALLLL Done! All done will also be monumental for me on Wednesday as I have my last and final training session. I will be ALLLLL Done! And I feel somewhat guilty saying this but I am looking forward to being done.
Why? Well, simply, I need a change in programs and what I am doing. I also think I need a little more flexibility in when I go to the gym. Since January, I have been going 3 days a week, sometimes less, sometimes more, still 3 days a week at 9:00 in the morning. That was the best time for us and really helped to establish a good routine. In fact, at least 5 out of 7 days a week we are out of the house by 9:00 a.m. I am looking forward to next week when I can choose to go or not go.
The thing that worries me though is falling off the wagon and continuously making excuses not to go - oh the laundry needs to be done, the house needs to be cleaned, we had a rough night of sleep - even as I write them they all sound lame. Even in the last 3 weeks, with bad nights of sleep, I have gotten my butt in gear and gone. But will the "pressure" to go disappear when my trainer does? I think because I am aware of this worry, I will be cognizant of making sure that doesn't happen. I still plan on trying to keep a pretty similar schedule - there by 9ish - but if we want to go to playgroup we will have a better chance of getting there with more than 1/2 hour left!
All in all, I am looking forward to the change that is coming. I will be developing my own program. I have done a lot of learning about my body - mostly about the hurts - I have patella femoral syndrome in my left knee and possibly a leftover car accident injury (shoulder) from 14 years ago. I have also spent a lot of time listening (to my trainer), asking questions, reading and learning in the past 4 months and for the first time in a long time I am excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. I can see the changes that have taken place in my body - my calf muscles are a lot closer to being the same size again! And I look forward to continuing my fitness journey. But sshhhh! Don't tell my trainer but between you and I, I don't plan on going near the chest press machine any time soon! Somehow I don't think it will miss me either :)
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Daddy's Sanity Time
So my hubby and I were talking yesterday about what we had going on today. I had an extra training session at the gym, bright and early but that was the only thing I had going on. He says to me "okay, well I will watch Sophie in the morning if you can watch her in the afternoon." I say "Okay, what are you going to do?" "Oh just stuff." "Oh that's good" and trying to be an interested and supportive wife I ask "What stuff?" To this I don't get much of a response.
Should I be suspicious - not really. It is either racing related or racing related. It just drives me crazy because if I wasn't interested in what he was doing I wouldn't have asked. Still he won't say. So as I am heading to bed - early, we had a rough night the night before - I ask again just to see if he would tell me and well frankly I have worked up several scenarios in my head (of which I know none are correct) but I just need to know. He finally says "I just need some daddy sanity time."
He couldn't have given me that answer two hours before? I completely understand the need to have some time on your own and as he didn't go racing on Wednesday night because he wasn't feeling well, he had missed out on his weekly night off! I don't know why he hesitated in telling me. Was he embarrassed in asking for time off? The worst part was, he felt like he needed to justify to me why he needed the afternoon to himself. Now that I stop and think about it, I have heard interesting statements like this over the last week "You know I do a lot around here." "I take over when I get home you know."
It makes me wonder what I said or did to bring this on. I know that he does a lot around here, especially with Sophie and I try to remember to thank him for this. I usually get some smart alec response like "yeah, yeah I know" but I still try to say it so he knows.
Anyway, Sophie is totally all about daddy these days so when he comes home from work all she wants to do is play with him and hang out. I know it hasn't helped with the weather being so crappy this week. She loves being outside and we haven't been able to spend as much time outside during the day as we would like. Usually by the time daddy is home it has cleared a little or the rain has stopped and he is the lucky one who gets to take her outside to play. Meanwhile, it is not like I am inside eating bonbons - I am inside making dinner, cleaning up the house, doing laundry - all the things I haven't gotten too because I have been taking care of our child all day.
Each day, parenting brings new challenges big and small. The thing that I have realized is that it is important to not take any of it personally and to take each day, one day at a time, learning from the current challenge and moving forward. And on that note, I had better go - it sounds like bedtime isn't going so well. I will go and see if I can lend a hand.
Should I be suspicious - not really. It is either racing related or racing related. It just drives me crazy because if I wasn't interested in what he was doing I wouldn't have asked. Still he won't say. So as I am heading to bed - early, we had a rough night the night before - I ask again just to see if he would tell me and well frankly I have worked up several scenarios in my head (of which I know none are correct) but I just need to know. He finally says "I just need some daddy sanity time."
He couldn't have given me that answer two hours before? I completely understand the need to have some time on your own and as he didn't go racing on Wednesday night because he wasn't feeling well, he had missed out on his weekly night off! I don't know why he hesitated in telling me. Was he embarrassed in asking for time off? The worst part was, he felt like he needed to justify to me why he needed the afternoon to himself. Now that I stop and think about it, I have heard interesting statements like this over the last week "You know I do a lot around here." "I take over when I get home you know."
It makes me wonder what I said or did to bring this on. I know that he does a lot around here, especially with Sophie and I try to remember to thank him for this. I usually get some smart alec response like "yeah, yeah I know" but I still try to say it so he knows.
Anyway, Sophie is totally all about daddy these days so when he comes home from work all she wants to do is play with him and hang out. I know it hasn't helped with the weather being so crappy this week. She loves being outside and we haven't been able to spend as much time outside during the day as we would like. Usually by the time daddy is home it has cleared a little or the rain has stopped and he is the lucky one who gets to take her outside to play. Meanwhile, it is not like I am inside eating bonbons - I am inside making dinner, cleaning up the house, doing laundry - all the things I haven't gotten too because I have been taking care of our child all day.
Each day, parenting brings new challenges big and small. The thing that I have realized is that it is important to not take any of it personally and to take each day, one day at a time, learning from the current challenge and moving forward. And on that note, I had better go - it sounds like bedtime isn't going so well. I will go and see if I can lend a hand.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Giggles and Hugs
I have been struggling lately with what to write. It isn't that I don't have things to write about, I do. I think the problem is that I have too many things running through my brain these days. I wish I had a computer attached to my brain for my wake ups with Sophie - the pieces I write at 3 a.m. are so eloquent and so well put together - and then when I sit down to pen something (can you still call it that), my mind goes blank!
Even now I struggle. Still, my brain keeps coming back to the fun of our morning so lets start there. We went to play with a friend so that his mom can have some "me" time for her and her youngest! The morning didn't start off the best - when you need to drive across town and can't leave because your car seat is in another car. OOPS!
Hubby came home and we fixed the situation relatively quickly and we were soon on our way. I was a little apprehensive - I wasn't sure how our little friend would be with us staying and his mom and sibling leaving. Needless to say, I worried for nothing - he was fine and we had a great time playing. We read some stories, played with trucks, trains, dumptrucks, balls. We had a game of follow the leader around the island kitchen which developed into a game of chase and topped everything off with snack for the toddlers and tea for the mommy!
But I have to say the best part of the day was watching the toddlers play. These two have played well together in the past so it really wasn't a surprise. Then the giggles started - each toddler would look at the other and then put their hands over their mouths and start laughing - WHY? - just because! Then they decided to walk around the island holding hands! Ohhhhh! So cute. And then there were hugs.
I love watching my daughter play with other kids. On the weekend she was surrounded and doted upon by her older cousins (12/9/8/7). They were so good with her and I was so happy to watch the elation on her face as they played with her. I grew up being the youngest of seven cousins and siblings. I remember never feeling left out or lonely when we would get together for family gatherings, so I am sure it is similar to what my toddler experienced on the weekend. These are the moments that make for incredible memories that last us a lifetime! Though next time - I need to remember to take my camera!
Even now I struggle. Still, my brain keeps coming back to the fun of our morning so lets start there. We went to play with a friend so that his mom can have some "me" time for her and her youngest! The morning didn't start off the best - when you need to drive across town and can't leave because your car seat is in another car. OOPS!
Hubby came home and we fixed the situation relatively quickly and we were soon on our way. I was a little apprehensive - I wasn't sure how our little friend would be with us staying and his mom and sibling leaving. Needless to say, I worried for nothing - he was fine and we had a great time playing. We read some stories, played with trucks, trains, dumptrucks, balls. We had a game of follow the leader around the island kitchen which developed into a game of chase and topped everything off with snack for the toddlers and tea for the mommy!
But I have to say the best part of the day was watching the toddlers play. These two have played well together in the past so it really wasn't a surprise. Then the giggles started - each toddler would look at the other and then put their hands over their mouths and start laughing - WHY? - just because! Then they decided to walk around the island holding hands! Ohhhhh! So cute. And then there were hugs.
I love watching my daughter play with other kids. On the weekend she was surrounded and doted upon by her older cousins (12/9/8/7). They were so good with her and I was so happy to watch the elation on her face as they played with her. I grew up being the youngest of seven cousins and siblings. I remember never feeling left out or lonely when we would get together for family gatherings, so I am sure it is similar to what my toddler experienced on the weekend. These are the moments that make for incredible memories that last us a lifetime! Though next time - I need to remember to take my camera!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sleeping - Part II
Okay - a day and a half later and I finally got back to the computer. Needless to say, someone did not go back to sleep when she woke up yesterday. As I sit here and type I am listening to the giggles, laughter and some tears (hair washing time) coming from the bathroom! I have to say I have an awesome husband who is so good with Sophie.
So, back to sleep. Starting last Monday we started trying to put her into her crib awake but not forcing her to cry it out. I just can't do it anymore. Not only is it torture for her, it is for us too. This way if she wakes up in the night she can put herself back to sleep. So far, knock on wood, things are going well. We have had better, consistent sleep for a week now. Again, knock on wood!
She gets between 10 1/2 and 11 1/2 hours a night straight through. Definitely making for a different child in the mornings. Naps are okay but not great yet. We will see anywhere from 25 minutes to 3 hours. See what I mean.
I am actually wondering if we need to re-institute two naps a day for the next bit. Around 9:30/10 she seems to be running out of steam. Problem is, I am not sure this will work for our current schedule - we are at the gym for 9 a.m. Monday/Wednesday/ Friday and have Little Gym Thursday's at 9:15. Pretty much every day, she will fall asleep on our way home even if for just 10 minutes. She then is usually down by 1:30 at the latest which is good. Any later and she is a barracuda! Also, later throws off bedtime which is now between 7:30 and 8:00. We are trying to get her to bed earlier these days because she is beat, and well it seems to be working too!
I think the one real thing we have learned through all of this is to listen to our guts and go with our instincts. We have read enough sleep books in the past 17 months to be able to deduce what is going on pretty well, but for some reason each book is missing the chapter on what to do specifically for Sophie!!! I guess they were saving that for us to write.
Good night, sleep tight!!!
So, back to sleep. Starting last Monday we started trying to put her into her crib awake but not forcing her to cry it out. I just can't do it anymore. Not only is it torture for her, it is for us too. This way if she wakes up in the night she can put herself back to sleep. So far, knock on wood, things are going well. We have had better, consistent sleep for a week now. Again, knock on wood!
She gets between 10 1/2 and 11 1/2 hours a night straight through. Definitely making for a different child in the mornings. Naps are okay but not great yet. We will see anywhere from 25 minutes to 3 hours. See what I mean.
I am actually wondering if we need to re-institute two naps a day for the next bit. Around 9:30/10 she seems to be running out of steam. Problem is, I am not sure this will work for our current schedule - we are at the gym for 9 a.m. Monday/Wednesday/ Friday and have Little Gym Thursday's at 9:15. Pretty much every day, she will fall asleep on our way home even if for just 10 minutes. She then is usually down by 1:30 at the latest which is good. Any later and she is a barracuda! Also, later throws off bedtime which is now between 7:30 and 8:00. We are trying to get her to bed earlier these days because she is beat, and well it seems to be working too!
I think the one real thing we have learned through all of this is to listen to our guts and go with our instincts. We have read enough sleep books in the past 17 months to be able to deduce what is going on pretty well, but for some reason each book is missing the chapter on what to do specifically for Sophie!!! I guess they were saving that for us to write.
Good night, sleep tight!!!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sleep
I need sleep! This is not really surprise, everyone does. But this week when I have probably had more consistent and better sleep at night, I am finding myself more tired. What's up with that?
You see, it all came to a head last weekend. For 8 months, we have been attempting the Cry It Out (COI) method to teach our daughter to sleep. Well it isn't working - at all! One night last week we listened to her cry for over two hours in the middle of the night. And we aren't just talking whimpering - this was full blown bawling. As her mother, it tore out my heart to have to listen to her but this was what we had decided to do and needed to stick to it. Needless to say, we all woke up exhausted, grumpy and less than ready to face the day. It was after this episode that we realized that COI wasn't working and we needed a new strategy.
How did this happen. Well it wasn't over night that's for sure. Unfortunately she has been sleeping horribly since about the middle of January. When the experts say that teething shouldn't/doesn't impact a little one's sleep - those experts must have children that are outside the norm. My child has always been bothered by teething pain at night. You can usually get her back to sleep but after lots of snuggling, Tylenol and/or Advil, and maybe some bottle. So since January Sophie has dealt with four molars arriving and possibly some eye teeth development, flu twice and an endless cold and runny nose that I think are finally gone (knock on wood). All of these things can impact sleep.
So I looked into a different program - A No-Cry Solution. In fact I am still reading - that is hard to do when you fall asleep every time you pick it up! Maybe I should give it to Sophie to read! LOL! In the meantime, we started to dissect what was happening with her during the night - then it came to me. I don't think my daughter has learned how to fall asleep on her own. We had gotten into the habit of rocking and feeding her into a deep slumber and as a result when she awoke at night she didn't know how to do it on her own.
I must pause - it appears someone has woken from her nap after only 25 minutes!
You see, it all came to a head last weekend. For 8 months, we have been attempting the Cry It Out (COI) method to teach our daughter to sleep. Well it isn't working - at all! One night last week we listened to her cry for over two hours in the middle of the night. And we aren't just talking whimpering - this was full blown bawling. As her mother, it tore out my heart to have to listen to her but this was what we had decided to do and needed to stick to it. Needless to say, we all woke up exhausted, grumpy and less than ready to face the day. It was after this episode that we realized that COI wasn't working and we needed a new strategy.
How did this happen. Well it wasn't over night that's for sure. Unfortunately she has been sleeping horribly since about the middle of January. When the experts say that teething shouldn't/doesn't impact a little one's sleep - those experts must have children that are outside the norm. My child has always been bothered by teething pain at night. You can usually get her back to sleep but after lots of snuggling, Tylenol and/or Advil, and maybe some bottle. So since January Sophie has dealt with four molars arriving and possibly some eye teeth development, flu twice and an endless cold and runny nose that I think are finally gone (knock on wood). All of these things can impact sleep.
So I looked into a different program - A No-Cry Solution. In fact I am still reading - that is hard to do when you fall asleep every time you pick it up! Maybe I should give it to Sophie to read! LOL! In the meantime, we started to dissect what was happening with her during the night - then it came to me. I don't think my daughter has learned how to fall asleep on her own. We had gotten into the habit of rocking and feeding her into a deep slumber and as a result when she awoke at night she didn't know how to do it on her own.
I must pause - it appears someone has woken from her nap after only 25 minutes!
Monday, March 15, 2010
One day closer to 38
I know it is soooo hard to believe, but yes, I will be 38 next week ;) Actually 38 doesn't bother me, in fact I am very calm about the number, unlike my late 20's. I can honestly say that 26 to 29 really sucked. When I turned 30 I resolved to stop worrying about what others thought of me or expected me to be, stopped worrying about whether I would meet the love of my life, made smarter choices about money and to become the person that was dying inside of me to get out.
As I move one day closer to 38 - the "new me" is still a work in progress. In fact, if anything I am happier with my life than I have ever been. Where am I today? I have many loves in my life - a dear sweet hubby, my beautiful child, furry kitties, incredible friends, crazy family, and believe it or not the gym.
I am blessed to have met the man of my dreams shortly after my "30" resolution. We will celebrate 8 years together and 5 married this year! In many ways it feels like so many more. That love created our incredibly adorable and active, 17 month old. She is a handful, but I can't expect less from her. If you know anything about her parents you know that the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree! The support networks I have, made up of my incredible friends and family, make getting through the day to day that much easier. It is so important to know that I am not alone in this journey.
A lot of my friends have blogged about pets and animals lately! I love my kitties (deep breath M), especially when they snuggle up close for a nap but there are days when I would like to shave both of them (long hairs) bald! There are only so many hairballs and times a week you can sweep your house!
So usually you don't see love and gym in the same sentence. Let me be clear, I still struggle daily to get to the gym and have a long list of excuses why not to go ready in the back of my head, but once I am there and halfway through my workout I am rejuvenated and so glad I came. The other kicker is the changes in my body I am beginning to really see. Yesterday when getting ready to go to church I put on a pair of dressy capris and tank. Both were very tight and showed way to much the last time I wore them. Yesterday I walked out the door with a rejuvenated sense of me - confident, comfortable in my skin and clothes, happy with how I looked - and yes I had a coat on too! When was the last time I felt like that - well let's just say that it has been a very long time.
There are a few things I had hoped would have happened by now but am not worried like I was. If they are meant to be, they will be. I believe that everything happens for a reason and think that right now is the time I am supposed to focus on my health and taking care of myself. So come on 38 - I celebrate you and everything you have to offer.
As I move one day closer to 38 - the "new me" is still a work in progress. In fact, if anything I am happier with my life than I have ever been. Where am I today? I have many loves in my life - a dear sweet hubby, my beautiful child, furry kitties, incredible friends, crazy family, and believe it or not the gym.
I am blessed to have met the man of my dreams shortly after my "30" resolution. We will celebrate 8 years together and 5 married this year! In many ways it feels like so many more. That love created our incredibly adorable and active, 17 month old. She is a handful, but I can't expect less from her. If you know anything about her parents you know that the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree! The support networks I have, made up of my incredible friends and family, make getting through the day to day that much easier. It is so important to know that I am not alone in this journey.
A lot of my friends have blogged about pets and animals lately! I love my kitties (deep breath M), especially when they snuggle up close for a nap but there are days when I would like to shave both of them (long hairs) bald! There are only so many hairballs and times a week you can sweep your house!
So usually you don't see love and gym in the same sentence. Let me be clear, I still struggle daily to get to the gym and have a long list of excuses why not to go ready in the back of my head, but once I am there and halfway through my workout I am rejuvenated and so glad I came. The other kicker is the changes in my body I am beginning to really see. Yesterday when getting ready to go to church I put on a pair of dressy capris and tank. Both were very tight and showed way to much the last time I wore them. Yesterday I walked out the door with a rejuvenated sense of me - confident, comfortable in my skin and clothes, happy with how I looked - and yes I had a coat on too! When was the last time I felt like that - well let's just say that it has been a very long time.
There are a few things I had hoped would have happened by now but am not worried like I was. If they are meant to be, they will be. I believe that everything happens for a reason and think that right now is the time I am supposed to focus on my health and taking care of myself. So come on 38 - I celebrate you and everything you have to offer.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Starting a New Week
Yesterday, Saturday, was the end of a very long week for me.
It all started Tuesday, when at the gym I found out I have some major, major issues with my left knee. Instead of training, it ended up being a like a physio session, my trainer just trying to sort out what is going on. Good and bad. It along with the rest of my leg hurt like stink for the rest of the week. No pain, no gain, right? Well, when I picked Sophie up from the gym daycare I knew she wasn't feeling well. She never comes over to me crying to go home. She usually wants to stay and play. Tuesday night I ended up cancelling my training session - Sophie wasn't feeling well and well I was beginning to feel really conjested and unwell. Maybe a good thing.
Wednesday, Sophie was up early so she and I snuggled on the couch for a few more minutes of sleep. Instead of snoozing, I couldn't get over the very strange sound that our fridge was making. We have known since we bought the house that the fridge would most likely be the first appliance to be replaced. It has always made a very loud noise when the motor would come on. In fact, we got about five more years than we thought out of it so not bad. The more I listened the more it became very apparent that it wasn't going to last long. I dealt with the freezer stuff, taking it down to our big freezer. At this point I was miffed - my hubby didn't seem the least interested in dealing with the fridge. Yes he did have to go to work, and yes Wednesday is racing night but still. Our fridge is dying and you think it will last until Thursday so we can go shopping then. Whatever!!!
Wednesday also saw an argument with my child over changing her butt (really a meltdown of epic porportions) resulting in me putting her on the floor without a diaper while I cooled down. In hindsight, it was obvious that she wasn't feeling well at all. So, what happens when you put a crying, half naked baby on the floor to continue their temper tantrum? They pee on the floor. Not her fault at all, just one more thing though. And now I not only have to try and get a diaper on her I now have to change her onesie and socks! I also spilled coffee all over my kitchen table, floor and laptop. Luckily - the laptop still works!!
After an interesting hour of shopping with my mom - I was actually able to buy something from the regular size of Reitmans, we returned home to find out that indeed we were going out Fridge shopping after all. We did, we bought, but what - delivery wasn't available until the following Wednesday. WHAT? Again, my hubby thought that a miracle would happen and the fridge would somehow resurect itself and last another week. Needless to say - he isn't a betting man and a good thing too. All right, somehow we will make this work. Luckily it is winter in Canada. Outdoor refrigeration rocks, but it also makes you realize how many times you go into your fridge in a day.
So I thought our day had turned around until bedtime. I thought Sophie had eaten too much supper and that was why she couldn't settle. The only way to get her to sleep was with me. Etienne tried to put her to bed when he got home, well soon after that, the crying started and then so did the vomit. It was the longest, nerve wracking, few hours of our life. Just as we would all get settled - Sophie on top of me or in my lap - it would start all over again. In this moment of parenting truth, you really learn how you will be under pressure. Even my hubby commended me the next day on how calm I was, even when covered in puke. Well, what good is it going to do for me to get upset. One of us is already there, no need to add to the drama.
Thursday morning we woke up hoping today would be better and it was. In fact everything was good until Friday lunch! Dah, dah! I started getting the twinges that there was something wrong soon after starting to eat. I have been diligent about what we eat these days. Nothing that could go bad that was in the fridge came near us. So this was something different. I got Sophie down for her nap and well then it began for me. Luckily Etienne had come home at lunch. I was down for the count - the flu had got me too. Now I understood why Sophie had felt so awful Wednesday night. Etienne made it to about 9:30 Friday night and then it took him out too.
It has been a very long weekend, after a very long week, of sickies - Sophie included still. I had a good day on Saturday while my dear hubby was down for the count. Then what we think was more dehydration than flu hit me again on Sunday. Fortunately, I think we are on the mend. Overall, I have gathered a new appreciation for illness. Without kids you have no worries, just yourself or your significant other. You can stay in bed or lay on the couch, with no interruptions. With kids, it is a whole new game.
First, when they are sick and can't talk and tell you what is wrong there are so many things you need to try to figure out and hope you are right. I felt a lot of guilt on Wednesday for what happened to Sophie. But as this was an area we had never visited before, how would I have known. Then, when you are sick and they are feeling better, life has to still go on. I remember my sister-in-law saying that once "Sheila, moms don't get a day off even when you are sick!". How right you are Lisa.
Life does still go on. Even when everything you think could go wrong has gone wrong, and you are at that point where you just don't think you can take anymore - you still need to move forward. Instead of whallowing in your misery, you need to figure out different coping strategies for getting through this situation. Then when everyone is healthy again and all your appliances work, you add those new coping strategies to your arsenal and store them away to be used and adapted for the next time you run into the flu and appliance malfunctions. And let me tell, both can stay away from my house for another five years!!
It all started Tuesday, when at the gym I found out I have some major, major issues with my left knee. Instead of training, it ended up being a like a physio session, my trainer just trying to sort out what is going on. Good and bad. It along with the rest of my leg hurt like stink for the rest of the week. No pain, no gain, right? Well, when I picked Sophie up from the gym daycare I knew she wasn't feeling well. She never comes over to me crying to go home. She usually wants to stay and play. Tuesday night I ended up cancelling my training session - Sophie wasn't feeling well and well I was beginning to feel really conjested and unwell. Maybe a good thing.
Wednesday, Sophie was up early so she and I snuggled on the couch for a few more minutes of sleep. Instead of snoozing, I couldn't get over the very strange sound that our fridge was making. We have known since we bought the house that the fridge would most likely be the first appliance to be replaced. It has always made a very loud noise when the motor would come on. In fact, we got about five more years than we thought out of it so not bad. The more I listened the more it became very apparent that it wasn't going to last long. I dealt with the freezer stuff, taking it down to our big freezer. At this point I was miffed - my hubby didn't seem the least interested in dealing with the fridge. Yes he did have to go to work, and yes Wednesday is racing night but still. Our fridge is dying and you think it will last until Thursday so we can go shopping then. Whatever!!!
Wednesday also saw an argument with my child over changing her butt (really a meltdown of epic porportions) resulting in me putting her on the floor without a diaper while I cooled down. In hindsight, it was obvious that she wasn't feeling well at all. So, what happens when you put a crying, half naked baby on the floor to continue their temper tantrum? They pee on the floor. Not her fault at all, just one more thing though. And now I not only have to try and get a diaper on her I now have to change her onesie and socks! I also spilled coffee all over my kitchen table, floor and laptop. Luckily - the laptop still works!!
After an interesting hour of shopping with my mom - I was actually able to buy something from the regular size of Reitmans, we returned home to find out that indeed we were going out Fridge shopping after all. We did, we bought, but what - delivery wasn't available until the following Wednesday. WHAT? Again, my hubby thought that a miracle would happen and the fridge would somehow resurect itself and last another week. Needless to say - he isn't a betting man and a good thing too. All right, somehow we will make this work. Luckily it is winter in Canada. Outdoor refrigeration rocks, but it also makes you realize how many times you go into your fridge in a day.
So I thought our day had turned around until bedtime. I thought Sophie had eaten too much supper and that was why she couldn't settle. The only way to get her to sleep was with me. Etienne tried to put her to bed when he got home, well soon after that, the crying started and then so did the vomit. It was the longest, nerve wracking, few hours of our life. Just as we would all get settled - Sophie on top of me or in my lap - it would start all over again. In this moment of parenting truth, you really learn how you will be under pressure. Even my hubby commended me the next day on how calm I was, even when covered in puke. Well, what good is it going to do for me to get upset. One of us is already there, no need to add to the drama.
Thursday morning we woke up hoping today would be better and it was. In fact everything was good until Friday lunch! Dah, dah! I started getting the twinges that there was something wrong soon after starting to eat. I have been diligent about what we eat these days. Nothing that could go bad that was in the fridge came near us. So this was something different. I got Sophie down for her nap and well then it began for me. Luckily Etienne had come home at lunch. I was down for the count - the flu had got me too. Now I understood why Sophie had felt so awful Wednesday night. Etienne made it to about 9:30 Friday night and then it took him out too.
It has been a very long weekend, after a very long week, of sickies - Sophie included still. I had a good day on Saturday while my dear hubby was down for the count. Then what we think was more dehydration than flu hit me again on Sunday. Fortunately, I think we are on the mend. Overall, I have gathered a new appreciation for illness. Without kids you have no worries, just yourself or your significant other. You can stay in bed or lay on the couch, with no interruptions. With kids, it is a whole new game.
First, when they are sick and can't talk and tell you what is wrong there are so many things you need to try to figure out and hope you are right. I felt a lot of guilt on Wednesday for what happened to Sophie. But as this was an area we had never visited before, how would I have known. Then, when you are sick and they are feeling better, life has to still go on. I remember my sister-in-law saying that once "Sheila, moms don't get a day off even when you are sick!". How right you are Lisa.
Life does still go on. Even when everything you think could go wrong has gone wrong, and you are at that point where you just don't think you can take anymore - you still need to move forward. Instead of whallowing in your misery, you need to figure out different coping strategies for getting through this situation. Then when everyone is healthy again and all your appliances work, you add those new coping strategies to your arsenal and store them away to be used and adapted for the next time you run into the flu and appliance malfunctions. And let me tell, both can stay away from my house for another five years!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
PMS - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
WOW! I am tired of PMS. You would think after 25 years of dealing with it on a monthly basis, except when I was preggers and breastfeeding , that I would have a handle on it. The last two months have been brutal.
I have noticed that I am very short today with hubby and baby. It doesn't help that baby only had a half hour nap this morning in the car when she was out with daddy and then 15 minutes this afternoon or when I say things like maybe daddy should take Sophie downstairs to play for a little before bed - I am not saying it to hear the sound of my own voice. So instead Houdini Baby decides that she is going down on her own and slides under the gate and is on her way. Why was he surprised? It is only 7 p.m. and she is already on her way to bed. Sweet dreams little one.
I remember my mom saying to me once that she always knew when my monthly visitor was coming because for at least one day, if not more, I had no patience and well I was a Bitch! Yes my mother said it. I noticed yesterday, on the most romantic day of the year, that I was already feeling short and with no patience. Today was even worse.
Thing is, because I know I am like this I hold my emotions in severe check and instead of letting it out when I need to, I walk away from disagreements, stupid comments, and crying babies and beat myself up about the way I am feeling or better yet I will mumble and mutter under my breath about all the things I want to say or names I would like to call someone. So instead, I sound like a crazy person. Maybe I am.
One day I will figure out how to deal with these emotions. How not to let them run my life, leaving me feeling calm, cool and collected. In the meantime I need to go and fold my clothes because for some reason my hubby (so many names) hasn't figured out how to fold mine while he folds his. Yeah, and he wonders why sometimes I walk around grumpy and don't speak to him. Oh well . . .
I have noticed that I am very short today with hubby and baby. It doesn't help that baby only had a half hour nap this morning in the car when she was out with daddy and then 15 minutes this afternoon or when I say things like maybe daddy should take Sophie downstairs to play for a little before bed - I am not saying it to hear the sound of my own voice. So instead Houdini Baby decides that she is going down on her own and slides under the gate and is on her way. Why was he surprised? It is only 7 p.m. and she is already on her way to bed. Sweet dreams little one.
I remember my mom saying to me once that she always knew when my monthly visitor was coming because for at least one day, if not more, I had no patience and well I was a Bitch! Yes my mother said it. I noticed yesterday, on the most romantic day of the year, that I was already feeling short and with no patience. Today was even worse.
Thing is, because I know I am like this I hold my emotions in severe check and instead of letting it out when I need to, I walk away from disagreements, stupid comments, and crying babies and beat myself up about the way I am feeling or better yet I will mumble and mutter under my breath about all the things I want to say or names I would like to call someone. So instead, I sound like a crazy person. Maybe I am.
One day I will figure out how to deal with these emotions. How not to let them run my life, leaving me feeling calm, cool and collected. In the meantime I need to go and fold my clothes because for some reason my hubby (so many names) hasn't figured out how to fold mine while he folds his. Yeah, and he wonders why sometimes I walk around grumpy and don't speak to him. Oh well . . .
Saturday, February 13, 2010
February 13
I am supposed to be heading off to the gym right now but instead I sit here and type. You see I have been delayed today because I had a little girl who refused to get dressed and eat. Oh well. We will get there eventually. Also it is snowing right now - big beautiful flakes, and really is it my place to mess that up! I know, not really an excuse.
I think this blog has been perculating in my head all week. Why? Well, before now I don't think I was ready to face it. You see I have been doing some serious self discovery this week. It came to an ugly head on Thursday when I ate something I truly shouldn't have and know subconsciously that I shouldn't have, but did it anyway.
Let me start at the beginning - Tuesday I found out my friend's mom passed away. This hit me harder than I thought it would and I think it put me in a funk for most of the week thus causing my Thursday eating misadventure. I also wasn't prepared for lunch that day and instead of going home and eating after gym and our playdate, we went for lunch with our friends to a local establishment popular with children (that is all I will say). By mid afternoon I knew I had made a major mistake and that my system was going to punish me for the rest of the day as a result. And rightfully so! Why should it respect me when I had so little respect for it. Still I do not beat myself up for this action, I am using it as a learning opportunity.
As I said earlier, I have been thinking this week about a lot of things - my eating habits, working out, family, death, life, running, what is really important to me. Let's go back even further, to the end of January because that is where this really starts.
At a family visit, I found out that my sister-in-law is pre-diabetic. They called it some other name to cushion the blow, but really, let's call a spade a spade. She does have a family history of diabetes in her family. She was also gestational with my nephew when she was expecting him 16 years ago. I think this has been in the back of my head for the past couple of weeks. I was gestational with Sophie and the Endocrinologist did say that there was a higher chance of me having diabetes down the line because of this. There is also a higher chance of having it again, should we get pregnant. I know I didn't take her seriously at the time. Now I am not saying that I have diabetes or am panicking about getting it - I think this discovery about my sister-in-law has just brought it to the forefront - health wise speaking.
Since the end of the detox, I have been floundering, trying to find my place in all of this. I understand why Clean Eating is a good choice. But is it the right choice for me. I ended up speaking with four friends who have taken their health into their own hands. I respect what each has done for themselves and their bodies and I wanted to get a better understanding of what they were doing. One is all for clean eating, and the other three focus on exercise and diet, watching what they eat but not completely cutting gluten, dairy and sugar from their diets. I have done a lot of reading on top of this and had countless conversations with my husband and my trainer as well.
So what conclusions have I drawn - #1 exercise for me is key these days. With it I definitely feel better, have more energy, get better sleep. My trainer was away in Las Vegas this week so it was a real test to see if I would kick my own butt and get to the gym. I did - I made it three times. I did get there this morning after all - I left an out of sorts girl (who is actually very unwell at the moment) at home with daddy. I felt so much better and happy I had gone.
#2 - What we eat is so important to our everyday health. I realized today that I really need to refocus myself, what and how we eat. As we already have to watch out for Sophie's peanut allergy (yeah I am that mom) and my husband's every other nut allergy (yeah you read right)I am very diligent about reading labels and ingredients trying to make the best possible choices for our family. I find this challenging most days. Thing is with what I have read to date in clean eating recipes, a lot of the substitions they use involve nuts - almonds especially. I love almonds but I refuse to make one meal for me and one for my family. That just won't work!
Now I am sure that I can substitute out for better grain choices from the nuts, but this is going to require more research and time. I know we will get there but just not today, tomorrow or maybe even next week. One of my friends made a very good point. - she likes things that are bad for her, but she doesn't look at them like that anymore. Instead of beating herself for these missteps and continuing to call them bad, she looks at them as learning experiences and moves forward. Mistakes happen though I honestly think she doesn't let these mistakes happen very often. Let's move on.
I have decided to take it one day and week at a time right now. I have lost 14 pounds to date and that is a great accomplishment. I want to see that scale go down again next week so this week I am committing to really watching what I eat and when I eat it. Time to move forward.
P.S. I didn't realize how much of an emotional eater I really was. That is another blog for another day!
I think this blog has been perculating in my head all week. Why? Well, before now I don't think I was ready to face it. You see I have been doing some serious self discovery this week. It came to an ugly head on Thursday when I ate something I truly shouldn't have and know subconsciously that I shouldn't have, but did it anyway.
Let me start at the beginning - Tuesday I found out my friend's mom passed away. This hit me harder than I thought it would and I think it put me in a funk for most of the week thus causing my Thursday eating misadventure. I also wasn't prepared for lunch that day and instead of going home and eating after gym and our playdate, we went for lunch with our friends to a local establishment popular with children (that is all I will say). By mid afternoon I knew I had made a major mistake and that my system was going to punish me for the rest of the day as a result. And rightfully so! Why should it respect me when I had so little respect for it. Still I do not beat myself up for this action, I am using it as a learning opportunity.
As I said earlier, I have been thinking this week about a lot of things - my eating habits, working out, family, death, life, running, what is really important to me. Let's go back even further, to the end of January because that is where this really starts.
At a family visit, I found out that my sister-in-law is pre-diabetic. They called it some other name to cushion the blow, but really, let's call a spade a spade. She does have a family history of diabetes in her family. She was also gestational with my nephew when she was expecting him 16 years ago. I think this has been in the back of my head for the past couple of weeks. I was gestational with Sophie and the Endocrinologist did say that there was a higher chance of me having diabetes down the line because of this. There is also a higher chance of having it again, should we get pregnant. I know I didn't take her seriously at the time. Now I am not saying that I have diabetes or am panicking about getting it - I think this discovery about my sister-in-law has just brought it to the forefront - health wise speaking.
Since the end of the detox, I have been floundering, trying to find my place in all of this. I understand why Clean Eating is a good choice. But is it the right choice for me. I ended up speaking with four friends who have taken their health into their own hands. I respect what each has done for themselves and their bodies and I wanted to get a better understanding of what they were doing. One is all for clean eating, and the other three focus on exercise and diet, watching what they eat but not completely cutting gluten, dairy and sugar from their diets. I have done a lot of reading on top of this and had countless conversations with my husband and my trainer as well.
So what conclusions have I drawn - #1 exercise for me is key these days. With it I definitely feel better, have more energy, get better sleep. My trainer was away in Las Vegas this week so it was a real test to see if I would kick my own butt and get to the gym. I did - I made it three times. I did get there this morning after all - I left an out of sorts girl (who is actually very unwell at the moment) at home with daddy. I felt so much better and happy I had gone.
#2 - What we eat is so important to our everyday health. I realized today that I really need to refocus myself, what and how we eat. As we already have to watch out for Sophie's peanut allergy (yeah I am that mom) and my husband's every other nut allergy (yeah you read right)I am very diligent about reading labels and ingredients trying to make the best possible choices for our family. I find this challenging most days. Thing is with what I have read to date in clean eating recipes, a lot of the substitions they use involve nuts - almonds especially. I love almonds but I refuse to make one meal for me and one for my family. That just won't work!
Now I am sure that I can substitute out for better grain choices from the nuts, but this is going to require more research and time. I know we will get there but just not today, tomorrow or maybe even next week. One of my friends made a very good point. - she likes things that are bad for her, but she doesn't look at them like that anymore. Instead of beating herself for these missteps and continuing to call them bad, she looks at them as learning experiences and moves forward. Mistakes happen though I honestly think she doesn't let these mistakes happen very often. Let's move on.
I have decided to take it one day and week at a time right now. I have lost 14 pounds to date and that is a great accomplishment. I want to see that scale go down again next week so this week I am committing to really watching what I eat and when I eat it. Time to move forward.
P.S. I didn't realize how much of an emotional eater I really was. That is another blog for another day!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The newest angel . . .
I just found out this afternoon that a good friend's mom passed away on the weekend. My heart aches for her and her family because this has been a long hard struggle for them. Having beaten two rounds of Cancer in the past four years, things were really beginning to look up again for her. Unfortunately, no one saw the congestive heart failure caused by the chemo, not even her doctors, lurking around the corner just waiting to strike.
Last week they knew it was bad, they just didn't know it was going to turn even worse so quickly. In speaking with her today though, I am astounded by my friend's strength and resolve. I know she has had horrible moments in the last five days, she told me about some of them, but we also talked a lot about quality of life.
When I worked at Parkwood, in what feels like a million years ago now, I learned very quickly about quality of life from all angles - the impact on the patient now and in the future; the impact on the family now and in the future; making sure that your wishes are known so that in these trying times, the right thing can be done. I didn't get the sense that this family had had that conversation -- who knew they would have to -- but it was clear that they knew what mom wouldn't have wanted - to be hooked up indefinitely to life support on the off chance she might pull through. That is no way for her to live or for the family who is left behind. In this situation, no matter how you feel, you just can't be selfish.
They are having a small private family funeral on Thursday at 1 p.m. I know my friend has already said her goodbyes. I hope she takes that moment and many more for years to come to celebrate the wonderful woman who was her mother. And in an ironic twist of fate she also told me that she is 3 1/2 months pregnant. This baby will have one of the funniest and kindest guardian angels looking down over them. Rest in peace.
Last week they knew it was bad, they just didn't know it was going to turn even worse so quickly. In speaking with her today though, I am astounded by my friend's strength and resolve. I know she has had horrible moments in the last five days, she told me about some of them, but we also talked a lot about quality of life.
When I worked at Parkwood, in what feels like a million years ago now, I learned very quickly about quality of life from all angles - the impact on the patient now and in the future; the impact on the family now and in the future; making sure that your wishes are known so that in these trying times, the right thing can be done. I didn't get the sense that this family had had that conversation -- who knew they would have to -- but it was clear that they knew what mom wouldn't have wanted - to be hooked up indefinitely to life support on the off chance she might pull through. That is no way for her to live or for the family who is left behind. In this situation, no matter how you feel, you just can't be selfish.
They are having a small private family funeral on Thursday at 1 p.m. I know my friend has already said her goodbyes. I hope she takes that moment and many more for years to come to celebrate the wonderful woman who was her mother. And in an ironic twist of fate she also told me that she is 3 1/2 months pregnant. This baby will have one of the funniest and kindest guardian angels looking down over them. Rest in peace.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Coffee
I know it seems weird for a post title, but I have realized that in order for me to get up and going in the morning, I need my cup of joe. I take it black with just a hint of cinnamon! Yum.
Why is this important - well - you see I had great intentions today to get back down in my basement and get some more stuff sorted, cleaned and organized. Even with my sleeping in until 8:15 I figured yes today is the day to get lots done. Nope! We headed out to complete some errands this morning and by the time we got home it was lunch time and time to put someone down for her nap - which I have to say was a good one today (2 hours 10 minutes). I followed soon after for my own nap because I was wiped out. When I got up I realized that I hadn't had my morning wake me up which always helps for some reason clear the cobwebs for the day. It has also been a bad week sleep wise and that finally caught up with me.
Now we did get some very important things done this morning - organizing the front closet and finally putting the summer shoes away for the next few months. Sorting and cleaning out the "Tupperware" drawer - throwing out those dishes that have seen better days or are missing lids or bottoms and just generally making it clean and tidy. Paying the babysitter for her time on Tuesday, calling a friend to confirm the time of the birthday party we need to go to tomorrow. Making lunch and supper for the family, all the while hubby did the laundry and lots of dishes by hand and in the dishwasher. My last job of the night is to get the Peanuts clothes folded and figure out what doesn't fit anymore (this always makes me sad!)
Overall, we had a very productive day, just not what I had intended on getting done. Oh well. There is always tomorrow. In fact I will make my coffee before I head upstairs, that way I only have to push a button in the morning. I should be able to handle that.
Why is this important - well - you see I had great intentions today to get back down in my basement and get some more stuff sorted, cleaned and organized. Even with my sleeping in until 8:15 I figured yes today is the day to get lots done. Nope! We headed out to complete some errands this morning and by the time we got home it was lunch time and time to put someone down for her nap - which I have to say was a good one today (2 hours 10 minutes). I followed soon after for my own nap because I was wiped out. When I got up I realized that I hadn't had my morning wake me up which always helps for some reason clear the cobwebs for the day. It has also been a bad week sleep wise and that finally caught up with me.
Now we did get some very important things done this morning - organizing the front closet and finally putting the summer shoes away for the next few months. Sorting and cleaning out the "Tupperware" drawer - throwing out those dishes that have seen better days or are missing lids or bottoms and just generally making it clean and tidy. Paying the babysitter for her time on Tuesday, calling a friend to confirm the time of the birthday party we need to go to tomorrow. Making lunch and supper for the family, all the while hubby did the laundry and lots of dishes by hand and in the dishwasher. My last job of the night is to get the Peanuts clothes folded and figure out what doesn't fit anymore (this always makes me sad!)
Overall, we had a very productive day, just not what I had intended on getting done. Oh well. There is always tomorrow. In fact I will make my coffee before I head upstairs, that way I only have to push a button in the morning. I should be able to handle that.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Blue Box Bloopers
So have you ever read page 11 of the City of London Recycling Calendar. I have. Did you know that you are not allowed to put bakery/food trays and clamshell containers in your recycling. In fact one morning a couple of months ago, Etienne just happened to be heading off to work when our recycling was picked up. The worker actually stopped him and said basically we can put in cans, plastic water bottles and regular plastic containers, for example the kinds used for sour cream and margarine. That is it. Whomever the city is using for recycling doesn't have the capacity to take the other items, even though they are marked with the right numbers if you go the City website. Sheesh!
As a parent of a child who eats lots of fruit and I a lot of vegis these days, this is a royal pain in the butt. Most fruit is sold in these containers, along with salad greens, tomatoes, etc. So now, even though I am trying to be a good parent and feed my child and my family healthy food, I can't recycle the containers these foods come in, therefore filling up our landfills quicker - you see where I am going with this.
Every now and then I try again just to see if the rules have changed and there my clamshell containers sit. Unloved and sitting alone in the blue box still. Just like this morning. So I would like to suggest, before the city develop a green bin program (which I think is a great idea - I have been composting since we bought our house), they sort out these recycling issues! Just a thought . . .
As a parent of a child who eats lots of fruit and I a lot of vegis these days, this is a royal pain in the butt. Most fruit is sold in these containers, along with salad greens, tomatoes, etc. So now, even though I am trying to be a good parent and feed my child and my family healthy food, I can't recycle the containers these foods come in, therefore filling up our landfills quicker - you see where I am going with this.
Every now and then I try again just to see if the rules have changed and there my clamshell containers sit. Unloved and sitting alone in the blue box still. Just like this morning. So I would like to suggest, before the city develop a green bin program (which I think is a great idea - I have been composting since we bought our house), they sort out these recycling issues! Just a thought . . .
Monday, February 1, 2010
Bedtime
I really should be heading to bed myself even though it is only 8:20 p.m., but I need to get something off my chest before I do.
You see I was just trying to get my daughter down. Most nights lately it is a challenge. She has dropped to one nap which is great but she is now sleeping two to two and a half hours in the afternoon which has been throwing off when she is going down now at night. We have been desperately trying to keep the same schedule but it has been hard the last couple of weeks.I know she was ready for bed tonight, but she wasn't quite there so we were just hanging out - rocking in her room, telling stories, snuggling.
Before she falls asleep, she will turn over onto her belly and put her head on my shoulder. She had just settled in to this position and who comes in to check how things are going but my hubby. Daddy is here to save the day - TA DA!
Well of course, she sits up, starts fussing and now we have to start all over again, except that she now wants daddy to cuddle with. I love the bond that these two are developing, she is truly daddy's girl, but hey buddy - where were you half an hour ago when I started this process. You could have offered to do the whole thing tonight. Oh yeah, you were reading.
Yeah sure, you did the dishes after supper tonight but that was only because I was upstairs, changing yet another poopy diaper and then continuing to fold and put away the laundry (and keeping the child amused at the same time), that you started and didn't finish Saturday, leaving me to finish that off yesterday while you went off racing from very, very early morning to after I went to bed last night. You could have at least put the toys in the livingroom away. It took me a whole two minutes to do when I came back downstairs.
I have been trying to figure out what is really at the root of the anger I feel when these moments arise. I think a lot of it still stems from a "conversation" he and I had back in September - about how he didn't feel it was fair that I expected him to come home and clean and cook after he had worked all day . . . I was staying home, that was my job now. Can you say 1950's mentality! Sweetheart, did you also want me to meet you at the door in my good dress, pearls and pumps with your drink in one hand and the clean, and ready for bed toddler in the other, while supper simmers away on the stove? WTF! Some days I really wonder what value he puts on staying at home and raising our child.
I have no answers for this one. As I said at the top, I just really needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.
You see I was just trying to get my daughter down. Most nights lately it is a challenge. She has dropped to one nap which is great but she is now sleeping two to two and a half hours in the afternoon which has been throwing off when she is going down now at night. We have been desperately trying to keep the same schedule but it has been hard the last couple of weeks.I know she was ready for bed tonight, but she wasn't quite there so we were just hanging out - rocking in her room, telling stories, snuggling.
Before she falls asleep, she will turn over onto her belly and put her head on my shoulder. She had just settled in to this position and who comes in to check how things are going but my hubby. Daddy is here to save the day - TA DA!
Well of course, she sits up, starts fussing and now we have to start all over again, except that she now wants daddy to cuddle with. I love the bond that these two are developing, she is truly daddy's girl, but hey buddy - where were you half an hour ago when I started this process. You could have offered to do the whole thing tonight. Oh yeah, you were reading.
Yeah sure, you did the dishes after supper tonight but that was only because I was upstairs, changing yet another poopy diaper and then continuing to fold and put away the laundry (and keeping the child amused at the same time), that you started and didn't finish Saturday, leaving me to finish that off yesterday while you went off racing from very, very early morning to after I went to bed last night. You could have at least put the toys in the livingroom away. It took me a whole two minutes to do when I came back downstairs.
I have been trying to figure out what is really at the root of the anger I feel when these moments arise. I think a lot of it still stems from a "conversation" he and I had back in September - about how he didn't feel it was fair that I expected him to come home and clean and cook after he had worked all day . . . I was staying home, that was my job now. Can you say 1950's mentality! Sweetheart, did you also want me to meet you at the door in my good dress, pearls and pumps with your drink in one hand and the clean, and ready for bed toddler in the other, while supper simmers away on the stove? WTF! Some days I really wonder what value he puts on staying at home and raising our child.
I have no answers for this one. As I said at the top, I just really needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Moving on . . .
The Peanut (kind of funny considering how allergic she is to them) is down for her nap, I have just poured myself a peppermint tea and I think it is time for a little reflection.
As of yesterday, I have moved on from the detox and am now moving into the next phase. I know this is a couple of days early, but yesterday at the gym I once again became dizzy and nauseous about two thirds of the way through my training session. Frustrating because I am really back into what we are doing and I feel like my body is letting me down and I am letting down my trainer. Again my trainer asked what I had had for breakie and told her. It was her opinion that I needed either more protein or some complex carbohydrates to give me that extra fuel to get all the way through my workout. And honestly I was starving right around the time it hit, so yes, I bet I was just out of fuel.
So I decided to opt out a couple of days early from the detox so that I could make some changes to what I was eating and be ready to go for Monday at 9 a.m.! Today I had a combination of Flax Cereal and Oats, with a few raisins and some cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg for flavour. They were yummy and my system responded well to them. This was good fuel for our skating adventure this morning with Kelly and Connor. We had a great time, got some good exercise in, and came home with lots of energy.
This detox has been a real journey of exploration for me. I never thought I had issues around food, but have come to realize that that isn't necessarily the case. I love to eat there is no doubt, but I also don't like feeling deprived either. This is the biggest one. But what is deprivation? Dictionary.com lists the word deprive as to remove or withhold something from the enjoyment or possession of (a person or persons): to deprive a man of life; to deprive a baby of candy. I think it is funny that the second is the example they use. Baby's shouldn't have candy in the first place, so really, that is just good parenting. But I digress . . .
I think in the beginning I saw parts of this detox as being deprived of the things I love so much. But yet, these are the things that have really put a tax on my health, my energy, my system, my sanity. I can't say that I won't eat sugar ever again - I love cake - but I am going to try and continue to make better choices on the food front for me and my family. I have a child who really doesn't like sweets - I sometimes wish I was more like her.
As of yesterday, I have moved on from the detox and am now moving into the next phase. I know this is a couple of days early, but yesterday at the gym I once again became dizzy and nauseous about two thirds of the way through my training session. Frustrating because I am really back into what we are doing and I feel like my body is letting me down and I am letting down my trainer. Again my trainer asked what I had had for breakie and told her. It was her opinion that I needed either more protein or some complex carbohydrates to give me that extra fuel to get all the way through my workout. And honestly I was starving right around the time it hit, so yes, I bet I was just out of fuel.
So I decided to opt out a couple of days early from the detox so that I could make some changes to what I was eating and be ready to go for Monday at 9 a.m.! Today I had a combination of Flax Cereal and Oats, with a few raisins and some cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg for flavour. They were yummy and my system responded well to them. This was good fuel for our skating adventure this morning with Kelly and Connor. We had a great time, got some good exercise in, and came home with lots of energy.
This detox has been a real journey of exploration for me. I never thought I had issues around food, but have come to realize that that isn't necessarily the case. I love to eat there is no doubt, but I also don't like feeling deprived either. This is the biggest one. But what is deprivation? Dictionary.com lists the word deprive as to remove or withhold something from the enjoyment or possession of (a person or persons): to deprive a man of life; to deprive a baby of candy. I think it is funny that the second is the example they use. Baby's shouldn't have candy in the first place, so really, that is just good parenting. But I digress . . .
I think in the beginning I saw parts of this detox as being deprived of the things I love so much. But yet, these are the things that have really put a tax on my health, my energy, my system, my sanity. I can't say that I won't eat sugar ever again - I love cake - but I am going to try and continue to make better choices on the food front for me and my family. I have a child who really doesn't like sweets - I sometimes wish I was more like her.
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