Okay - a day and a half later and I finally got back to the computer. Needless to say, someone did not go back to sleep when she woke up yesterday. As I sit here and type I am listening to the giggles, laughter and some tears (hair washing time) coming from the bathroom! I have to say I have an awesome husband who is so good with Sophie.
So, back to sleep. Starting last Monday we started trying to put her into her crib awake but not forcing her to cry it out. I just can't do it anymore. Not only is it torture for her, it is for us too. This way if she wakes up in the night she can put herself back to sleep. So far, knock on wood, things are going well. We have had better, consistent sleep for a week now. Again, knock on wood!
She gets between 10 1/2 and 11 1/2 hours a night straight through. Definitely making for a different child in the mornings. Naps are okay but not great yet. We will see anywhere from 25 minutes to 3 hours. See what I mean.
I am actually wondering if we need to re-institute two naps a day for the next bit. Around 9:30/10 she seems to be running out of steam. Problem is, I am not sure this will work for our current schedule - we are at the gym for 9 a.m. Monday/Wednesday/ Friday and have Little Gym Thursday's at 9:15. Pretty much every day, she will fall asleep on our way home even if for just 10 minutes. She then is usually down by 1:30 at the latest which is good. Any later and she is a barracuda! Also, later throws off bedtime which is now between 7:30 and 8:00. We are trying to get her to bed earlier these days because she is beat, and well it seems to be working too!
I think the one real thing we have learned through all of this is to listen to our guts and go with our instincts. We have read enough sleep books in the past 17 months to be able to deduce what is going on pretty well, but for some reason each book is missing the chapter on what to do specifically for Sophie!!! I guess they were saving that for us to write.
Good night, sleep tight!!!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sleep
I need sleep! This is not really surprise, everyone does. But this week when I have probably had more consistent and better sleep at night, I am finding myself more tired. What's up with that?
You see, it all came to a head last weekend. For 8 months, we have been attempting the Cry It Out (COI) method to teach our daughter to sleep. Well it isn't working - at all! One night last week we listened to her cry for over two hours in the middle of the night. And we aren't just talking whimpering - this was full blown bawling. As her mother, it tore out my heart to have to listen to her but this was what we had decided to do and needed to stick to it. Needless to say, we all woke up exhausted, grumpy and less than ready to face the day. It was after this episode that we realized that COI wasn't working and we needed a new strategy.
How did this happen. Well it wasn't over night that's for sure. Unfortunately she has been sleeping horribly since about the middle of January. When the experts say that teething shouldn't/doesn't impact a little one's sleep - those experts must have children that are outside the norm. My child has always been bothered by teething pain at night. You can usually get her back to sleep but after lots of snuggling, Tylenol and/or Advil, and maybe some bottle. So since January Sophie has dealt with four molars arriving and possibly some eye teeth development, flu twice and an endless cold and runny nose that I think are finally gone (knock on wood). All of these things can impact sleep.
So I looked into a different program - A No-Cry Solution. In fact I am still reading - that is hard to do when you fall asleep every time you pick it up! Maybe I should give it to Sophie to read! LOL! In the meantime, we started to dissect what was happening with her during the night - then it came to me. I don't think my daughter has learned how to fall asleep on her own. We had gotten into the habit of rocking and feeding her into a deep slumber and as a result when she awoke at night she didn't know how to do it on her own.
I must pause - it appears someone has woken from her nap after only 25 minutes!
You see, it all came to a head last weekend. For 8 months, we have been attempting the Cry It Out (COI) method to teach our daughter to sleep. Well it isn't working - at all! One night last week we listened to her cry for over two hours in the middle of the night. And we aren't just talking whimpering - this was full blown bawling. As her mother, it tore out my heart to have to listen to her but this was what we had decided to do and needed to stick to it. Needless to say, we all woke up exhausted, grumpy and less than ready to face the day. It was after this episode that we realized that COI wasn't working and we needed a new strategy.
How did this happen. Well it wasn't over night that's for sure. Unfortunately she has been sleeping horribly since about the middle of January. When the experts say that teething shouldn't/doesn't impact a little one's sleep - those experts must have children that are outside the norm. My child has always been bothered by teething pain at night. You can usually get her back to sleep but after lots of snuggling, Tylenol and/or Advil, and maybe some bottle. So since January Sophie has dealt with four molars arriving and possibly some eye teeth development, flu twice and an endless cold and runny nose that I think are finally gone (knock on wood). All of these things can impact sleep.
So I looked into a different program - A No-Cry Solution. In fact I am still reading - that is hard to do when you fall asleep every time you pick it up! Maybe I should give it to Sophie to read! LOL! In the meantime, we started to dissect what was happening with her during the night - then it came to me. I don't think my daughter has learned how to fall asleep on her own. We had gotten into the habit of rocking and feeding her into a deep slumber and as a result when she awoke at night she didn't know how to do it on her own.
I must pause - it appears someone has woken from her nap after only 25 minutes!
Monday, March 15, 2010
One day closer to 38
I know it is soooo hard to believe, but yes, I will be 38 next week ;) Actually 38 doesn't bother me, in fact I am very calm about the number, unlike my late 20's. I can honestly say that 26 to 29 really sucked. When I turned 30 I resolved to stop worrying about what others thought of me or expected me to be, stopped worrying about whether I would meet the love of my life, made smarter choices about money and to become the person that was dying inside of me to get out.
As I move one day closer to 38 - the "new me" is still a work in progress. In fact, if anything I am happier with my life than I have ever been. Where am I today? I have many loves in my life - a dear sweet hubby, my beautiful child, furry kitties, incredible friends, crazy family, and believe it or not the gym.
I am blessed to have met the man of my dreams shortly after my "30" resolution. We will celebrate 8 years together and 5 married this year! In many ways it feels like so many more. That love created our incredibly adorable and active, 17 month old. She is a handful, but I can't expect less from her. If you know anything about her parents you know that the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree! The support networks I have, made up of my incredible friends and family, make getting through the day to day that much easier. It is so important to know that I am not alone in this journey.
A lot of my friends have blogged about pets and animals lately! I love my kitties (deep breath M), especially when they snuggle up close for a nap but there are days when I would like to shave both of them (long hairs) bald! There are only so many hairballs and times a week you can sweep your house!
So usually you don't see love and gym in the same sentence. Let me be clear, I still struggle daily to get to the gym and have a long list of excuses why not to go ready in the back of my head, but once I am there and halfway through my workout I am rejuvenated and so glad I came. The other kicker is the changes in my body I am beginning to really see. Yesterday when getting ready to go to church I put on a pair of dressy capris and tank. Both were very tight and showed way to much the last time I wore them. Yesterday I walked out the door with a rejuvenated sense of me - confident, comfortable in my skin and clothes, happy with how I looked - and yes I had a coat on too! When was the last time I felt like that - well let's just say that it has been a very long time.
There are a few things I had hoped would have happened by now but am not worried like I was. If they are meant to be, they will be. I believe that everything happens for a reason and think that right now is the time I am supposed to focus on my health and taking care of myself. So come on 38 - I celebrate you and everything you have to offer.
As I move one day closer to 38 - the "new me" is still a work in progress. In fact, if anything I am happier with my life than I have ever been. Where am I today? I have many loves in my life - a dear sweet hubby, my beautiful child, furry kitties, incredible friends, crazy family, and believe it or not the gym.
I am blessed to have met the man of my dreams shortly after my "30" resolution. We will celebrate 8 years together and 5 married this year! In many ways it feels like so many more. That love created our incredibly adorable and active, 17 month old. She is a handful, but I can't expect less from her. If you know anything about her parents you know that the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree! The support networks I have, made up of my incredible friends and family, make getting through the day to day that much easier. It is so important to know that I am not alone in this journey.
A lot of my friends have blogged about pets and animals lately! I love my kitties (deep breath M), especially when they snuggle up close for a nap but there are days when I would like to shave both of them (long hairs) bald! There are only so many hairballs and times a week you can sweep your house!
So usually you don't see love and gym in the same sentence. Let me be clear, I still struggle daily to get to the gym and have a long list of excuses why not to go ready in the back of my head, but once I am there and halfway through my workout I am rejuvenated and so glad I came. The other kicker is the changes in my body I am beginning to really see. Yesterday when getting ready to go to church I put on a pair of dressy capris and tank. Both were very tight and showed way to much the last time I wore them. Yesterday I walked out the door with a rejuvenated sense of me - confident, comfortable in my skin and clothes, happy with how I looked - and yes I had a coat on too! When was the last time I felt like that - well let's just say that it has been a very long time.
There are a few things I had hoped would have happened by now but am not worried like I was. If they are meant to be, they will be. I believe that everything happens for a reason and think that right now is the time I am supposed to focus on my health and taking care of myself. So come on 38 - I celebrate you and everything you have to offer.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Starting a New Week
Yesterday, Saturday, was the end of a very long week for me.
It all started Tuesday, when at the gym I found out I have some major, major issues with my left knee. Instead of training, it ended up being a like a physio session, my trainer just trying to sort out what is going on. Good and bad. It along with the rest of my leg hurt like stink for the rest of the week. No pain, no gain, right? Well, when I picked Sophie up from the gym daycare I knew she wasn't feeling well. She never comes over to me crying to go home. She usually wants to stay and play. Tuesday night I ended up cancelling my training session - Sophie wasn't feeling well and well I was beginning to feel really conjested and unwell. Maybe a good thing.
Wednesday, Sophie was up early so she and I snuggled on the couch for a few more minutes of sleep. Instead of snoozing, I couldn't get over the very strange sound that our fridge was making. We have known since we bought the house that the fridge would most likely be the first appliance to be replaced. It has always made a very loud noise when the motor would come on. In fact, we got about five more years than we thought out of it so not bad. The more I listened the more it became very apparent that it wasn't going to last long. I dealt with the freezer stuff, taking it down to our big freezer. At this point I was miffed - my hubby didn't seem the least interested in dealing with the fridge. Yes he did have to go to work, and yes Wednesday is racing night but still. Our fridge is dying and you think it will last until Thursday so we can go shopping then. Whatever!!!
Wednesday also saw an argument with my child over changing her butt (really a meltdown of epic porportions) resulting in me putting her on the floor without a diaper while I cooled down. In hindsight, it was obvious that she wasn't feeling well at all. So, what happens when you put a crying, half naked baby on the floor to continue their temper tantrum? They pee on the floor. Not her fault at all, just one more thing though. And now I not only have to try and get a diaper on her I now have to change her onesie and socks! I also spilled coffee all over my kitchen table, floor and laptop. Luckily - the laptop still works!!
After an interesting hour of shopping with my mom - I was actually able to buy something from the regular size of Reitmans, we returned home to find out that indeed we were going out Fridge shopping after all. We did, we bought, but what - delivery wasn't available until the following Wednesday. WHAT? Again, my hubby thought that a miracle would happen and the fridge would somehow resurect itself and last another week. Needless to say - he isn't a betting man and a good thing too. All right, somehow we will make this work. Luckily it is winter in Canada. Outdoor refrigeration rocks, but it also makes you realize how many times you go into your fridge in a day.
So I thought our day had turned around until bedtime. I thought Sophie had eaten too much supper and that was why she couldn't settle. The only way to get her to sleep was with me. Etienne tried to put her to bed when he got home, well soon after that, the crying started and then so did the vomit. It was the longest, nerve wracking, few hours of our life. Just as we would all get settled - Sophie on top of me or in my lap - it would start all over again. In this moment of parenting truth, you really learn how you will be under pressure. Even my hubby commended me the next day on how calm I was, even when covered in puke. Well, what good is it going to do for me to get upset. One of us is already there, no need to add to the drama.
Thursday morning we woke up hoping today would be better and it was. In fact everything was good until Friday lunch! Dah, dah! I started getting the twinges that there was something wrong soon after starting to eat. I have been diligent about what we eat these days. Nothing that could go bad that was in the fridge came near us. So this was something different. I got Sophie down for her nap and well then it began for me. Luckily Etienne had come home at lunch. I was down for the count - the flu had got me too. Now I understood why Sophie had felt so awful Wednesday night. Etienne made it to about 9:30 Friday night and then it took him out too.
It has been a very long weekend, after a very long week, of sickies - Sophie included still. I had a good day on Saturday while my dear hubby was down for the count. Then what we think was more dehydration than flu hit me again on Sunday. Fortunately, I think we are on the mend. Overall, I have gathered a new appreciation for illness. Without kids you have no worries, just yourself or your significant other. You can stay in bed or lay on the couch, with no interruptions. With kids, it is a whole new game.
First, when they are sick and can't talk and tell you what is wrong there are so many things you need to try to figure out and hope you are right. I felt a lot of guilt on Wednesday for what happened to Sophie. But as this was an area we had never visited before, how would I have known. Then, when you are sick and they are feeling better, life has to still go on. I remember my sister-in-law saying that once "Sheila, moms don't get a day off even when you are sick!". How right you are Lisa.
Life does still go on. Even when everything you think could go wrong has gone wrong, and you are at that point where you just don't think you can take anymore - you still need to move forward. Instead of whallowing in your misery, you need to figure out different coping strategies for getting through this situation. Then when everyone is healthy again and all your appliances work, you add those new coping strategies to your arsenal and store them away to be used and adapted for the next time you run into the flu and appliance malfunctions. And let me tell, both can stay away from my house for another five years!!
It all started Tuesday, when at the gym I found out I have some major, major issues with my left knee. Instead of training, it ended up being a like a physio session, my trainer just trying to sort out what is going on. Good and bad. It along with the rest of my leg hurt like stink for the rest of the week. No pain, no gain, right? Well, when I picked Sophie up from the gym daycare I knew she wasn't feeling well. She never comes over to me crying to go home. She usually wants to stay and play. Tuesday night I ended up cancelling my training session - Sophie wasn't feeling well and well I was beginning to feel really conjested and unwell. Maybe a good thing.
Wednesday, Sophie was up early so she and I snuggled on the couch for a few more minutes of sleep. Instead of snoozing, I couldn't get over the very strange sound that our fridge was making. We have known since we bought the house that the fridge would most likely be the first appliance to be replaced. It has always made a very loud noise when the motor would come on. In fact, we got about five more years than we thought out of it so not bad. The more I listened the more it became very apparent that it wasn't going to last long. I dealt with the freezer stuff, taking it down to our big freezer. At this point I was miffed - my hubby didn't seem the least interested in dealing with the fridge. Yes he did have to go to work, and yes Wednesday is racing night but still. Our fridge is dying and you think it will last until Thursday so we can go shopping then. Whatever!!!
Wednesday also saw an argument with my child over changing her butt (really a meltdown of epic porportions) resulting in me putting her on the floor without a diaper while I cooled down. In hindsight, it was obvious that she wasn't feeling well at all. So, what happens when you put a crying, half naked baby on the floor to continue their temper tantrum? They pee on the floor. Not her fault at all, just one more thing though. And now I not only have to try and get a diaper on her I now have to change her onesie and socks! I also spilled coffee all over my kitchen table, floor and laptop. Luckily - the laptop still works!!
After an interesting hour of shopping with my mom - I was actually able to buy something from the regular size of Reitmans, we returned home to find out that indeed we were going out Fridge shopping after all. We did, we bought, but what - delivery wasn't available until the following Wednesday. WHAT? Again, my hubby thought that a miracle would happen and the fridge would somehow resurect itself and last another week. Needless to say - he isn't a betting man and a good thing too. All right, somehow we will make this work. Luckily it is winter in Canada. Outdoor refrigeration rocks, but it also makes you realize how many times you go into your fridge in a day.
So I thought our day had turned around until bedtime. I thought Sophie had eaten too much supper and that was why she couldn't settle. The only way to get her to sleep was with me. Etienne tried to put her to bed when he got home, well soon after that, the crying started and then so did the vomit. It was the longest, nerve wracking, few hours of our life. Just as we would all get settled - Sophie on top of me or in my lap - it would start all over again. In this moment of parenting truth, you really learn how you will be under pressure. Even my hubby commended me the next day on how calm I was, even when covered in puke. Well, what good is it going to do for me to get upset. One of us is already there, no need to add to the drama.
Thursday morning we woke up hoping today would be better and it was. In fact everything was good until Friday lunch! Dah, dah! I started getting the twinges that there was something wrong soon after starting to eat. I have been diligent about what we eat these days. Nothing that could go bad that was in the fridge came near us. So this was something different. I got Sophie down for her nap and well then it began for me. Luckily Etienne had come home at lunch. I was down for the count - the flu had got me too. Now I understood why Sophie had felt so awful Wednesday night. Etienne made it to about 9:30 Friday night and then it took him out too.
It has been a very long weekend, after a very long week, of sickies - Sophie included still. I had a good day on Saturday while my dear hubby was down for the count. Then what we think was more dehydration than flu hit me again on Sunday. Fortunately, I think we are on the mend. Overall, I have gathered a new appreciation for illness. Without kids you have no worries, just yourself or your significant other. You can stay in bed or lay on the couch, with no interruptions. With kids, it is a whole new game.
First, when they are sick and can't talk and tell you what is wrong there are so many things you need to try to figure out and hope you are right. I felt a lot of guilt on Wednesday for what happened to Sophie. But as this was an area we had never visited before, how would I have known. Then, when you are sick and they are feeling better, life has to still go on. I remember my sister-in-law saying that once "Sheila, moms don't get a day off even when you are sick!". How right you are Lisa.
Life does still go on. Even when everything you think could go wrong has gone wrong, and you are at that point where you just don't think you can take anymore - you still need to move forward. Instead of whallowing in your misery, you need to figure out different coping strategies for getting through this situation. Then when everyone is healthy again and all your appliances work, you add those new coping strategies to your arsenal and store them away to be used and adapted for the next time you run into the flu and appliance malfunctions. And let me tell, both can stay away from my house for another five years!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
PMS - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
WOW! I am tired of PMS. You would think after 25 years of dealing with it on a monthly basis, except when I was preggers and breastfeeding , that I would have a handle on it. The last two months have been brutal.
I have noticed that I am very short today with hubby and baby. It doesn't help that baby only had a half hour nap this morning in the car when she was out with daddy and then 15 minutes this afternoon or when I say things like maybe daddy should take Sophie downstairs to play for a little before bed - I am not saying it to hear the sound of my own voice. So instead Houdini Baby decides that she is going down on her own and slides under the gate and is on her way. Why was he surprised? It is only 7 p.m. and she is already on her way to bed. Sweet dreams little one.
I remember my mom saying to me once that she always knew when my monthly visitor was coming because for at least one day, if not more, I had no patience and well I was a Bitch! Yes my mother said it. I noticed yesterday, on the most romantic day of the year, that I was already feeling short and with no patience. Today was even worse.
Thing is, because I know I am like this I hold my emotions in severe check and instead of letting it out when I need to, I walk away from disagreements, stupid comments, and crying babies and beat myself up about the way I am feeling or better yet I will mumble and mutter under my breath about all the things I want to say or names I would like to call someone. So instead, I sound like a crazy person. Maybe I am.
One day I will figure out how to deal with these emotions. How not to let them run my life, leaving me feeling calm, cool and collected. In the meantime I need to go and fold my clothes because for some reason my hubby (so many names) hasn't figured out how to fold mine while he folds his. Yeah, and he wonders why sometimes I walk around grumpy and don't speak to him. Oh well . . .
I have noticed that I am very short today with hubby and baby. It doesn't help that baby only had a half hour nap this morning in the car when she was out with daddy and then 15 minutes this afternoon or when I say things like maybe daddy should take Sophie downstairs to play for a little before bed - I am not saying it to hear the sound of my own voice. So instead Houdini Baby decides that she is going down on her own and slides under the gate and is on her way. Why was he surprised? It is only 7 p.m. and she is already on her way to bed. Sweet dreams little one.
I remember my mom saying to me once that she always knew when my monthly visitor was coming because for at least one day, if not more, I had no patience and well I was a Bitch! Yes my mother said it. I noticed yesterday, on the most romantic day of the year, that I was already feeling short and with no patience. Today was even worse.
Thing is, because I know I am like this I hold my emotions in severe check and instead of letting it out when I need to, I walk away from disagreements, stupid comments, and crying babies and beat myself up about the way I am feeling or better yet I will mumble and mutter under my breath about all the things I want to say or names I would like to call someone. So instead, I sound like a crazy person. Maybe I am.
One day I will figure out how to deal with these emotions. How not to let them run my life, leaving me feeling calm, cool and collected. In the meantime I need to go and fold my clothes because for some reason my hubby (so many names) hasn't figured out how to fold mine while he folds his. Yeah, and he wonders why sometimes I walk around grumpy and don't speak to him. Oh well . . .
Saturday, February 13, 2010
February 13
I am supposed to be heading off to the gym right now but instead I sit here and type. You see I have been delayed today because I had a little girl who refused to get dressed and eat. Oh well. We will get there eventually. Also it is snowing right now - big beautiful flakes, and really is it my place to mess that up! I know, not really an excuse.
I think this blog has been perculating in my head all week. Why? Well, before now I don't think I was ready to face it. You see I have been doing some serious self discovery this week. It came to an ugly head on Thursday when I ate something I truly shouldn't have and know subconsciously that I shouldn't have, but did it anyway.
Let me start at the beginning - Tuesday I found out my friend's mom passed away. This hit me harder than I thought it would and I think it put me in a funk for most of the week thus causing my Thursday eating misadventure. I also wasn't prepared for lunch that day and instead of going home and eating after gym and our playdate, we went for lunch with our friends to a local establishment popular with children (that is all I will say). By mid afternoon I knew I had made a major mistake and that my system was going to punish me for the rest of the day as a result. And rightfully so! Why should it respect me when I had so little respect for it. Still I do not beat myself up for this action, I am using it as a learning opportunity.
As I said earlier, I have been thinking this week about a lot of things - my eating habits, working out, family, death, life, running, what is really important to me. Let's go back even further, to the end of January because that is where this really starts.
At a family visit, I found out that my sister-in-law is pre-diabetic. They called it some other name to cushion the blow, but really, let's call a spade a spade. She does have a family history of diabetes in her family. She was also gestational with my nephew when she was expecting him 16 years ago. I think this has been in the back of my head for the past couple of weeks. I was gestational with Sophie and the Endocrinologist did say that there was a higher chance of me having diabetes down the line because of this. There is also a higher chance of having it again, should we get pregnant. I know I didn't take her seriously at the time. Now I am not saying that I have diabetes or am panicking about getting it - I think this discovery about my sister-in-law has just brought it to the forefront - health wise speaking.
Since the end of the detox, I have been floundering, trying to find my place in all of this. I understand why Clean Eating is a good choice. But is it the right choice for me. I ended up speaking with four friends who have taken their health into their own hands. I respect what each has done for themselves and their bodies and I wanted to get a better understanding of what they were doing. One is all for clean eating, and the other three focus on exercise and diet, watching what they eat but not completely cutting gluten, dairy and sugar from their diets. I have done a lot of reading on top of this and had countless conversations with my husband and my trainer as well.
So what conclusions have I drawn - #1 exercise for me is key these days. With it I definitely feel better, have more energy, get better sleep. My trainer was away in Las Vegas this week so it was a real test to see if I would kick my own butt and get to the gym. I did - I made it three times. I did get there this morning after all - I left an out of sorts girl (who is actually very unwell at the moment) at home with daddy. I felt so much better and happy I had gone.
#2 - What we eat is so important to our everyday health. I realized today that I really need to refocus myself, what and how we eat. As we already have to watch out for Sophie's peanut allergy (yeah I am that mom) and my husband's every other nut allergy (yeah you read right)I am very diligent about reading labels and ingredients trying to make the best possible choices for our family. I find this challenging most days. Thing is with what I have read to date in clean eating recipes, a lot of the substitions they use involve nuts - almonds especially. I love almonds but I refuse to make one meal for me and one for my family. That just won't work!
Now I am sure that I can substitute out for better grain choices from the nuts, but this is going to require more research and time. I know we will get there but just not today, tomorrow or maybe even next week. One of my friends made a very good point. - she likes things that are bad for her, but she doesn't look at them like that anymore. Instead of beating herself for these missteps and continuing to call them bad, she looks at them as learning experiences and moves forward. Mistakes happen though I honestly think she doesn't let these mistakes happen very often. Let's move on.
I have decided to take it one day and week at a time right now. I have lost 14 pounds to date and that is a great accomplishment. I want to see that scale go down again next week so this week I am committing to really watching what I eat and when I eat it. Time to move forward.
P.S. I didn't realize how much of an emotional eater I really was. That is another blog for another day!
I think this blog has been perculating in my head all week. Why? Well, before now I don't think I was ready to face it. You see I have been doing some serious self discovery this week. It came to an ugly head on Thursday when I ate something I truly shouldn't have and know subconsciously that I shouldn't have, but did it anyway.
Let me start at the beginning - Tuesday I found out my friend's mom passed away. This hit me harder than I thought it would and I think it put me in a funk for most of the week thus causing my Thursday eating misadventure. I also wasn't prepared for lunch that day and instead of going home and eating after gym and our playdate, we went for lunch with our friends to a local establishment popular with children (that is all I will say). By mid afternoon I knew I had made a major mistake and that my system was going to punish me for the rest of the day as a result. And rightfully so! Why should it respect me when I had so little respect for it. Still I do not beat myself up for this action, I am using it as a learning opportunity.
As I said earlier, I have been thinking this week about a lot of things - my eating habits, working out, family, death, life, running, what is really important to me. Let's go back even further, to the end of January because that is where this really starts.
At a family visit, I found out that my sister-in-law is pre-diabetic. They called it some other name to cushion the blow, but really, let's call a spade a spade. She does have a family history of diabetes in her family. She was also gestational with my nephew when she was expecting him 16 years ago. I think this has been in the back of my head for the past couple of weeks. I was gestational with Sophie and the Endocrinologist did say that there was a higher chance of me having diabetes down the line because of this. There is also a higher chance of having it again, should we get pregnant. I know I didn't take her seriously at the time. Now I am not saying that I have diabetes or am panicking about getting it - I think this discovery about my sister-in-law has just brought it to the forefront - health wise speaking.
Since the end of the detox, I have been floundering, trying to find my place in all of this. I understand why Clean Eating is a good choice. But is it the right choice for me. I ended up speaking with four friends who have taken their health into their own hands. I respect what each has done for themselves and their bodies and I wanted to get a better understanding of what they were doing. One is all for clean eating, and the other three focus on exercise and diet, watching what they eat but not completely cutting gluten, dairy and sugar from their diets. I have done a lot of reading on top of this and had countless conversations with my husband and my trainer as well.
So what conclusions have I drawn - #1 exercise for me is key these days. With it I definitely feel better, have more energy, get better sleep. My trainer was away in Las Vegas this week so it was a real test to see if I would kick my own butt and get to the gym. I did - I made it three times. I did get there this morning after all - I left an out of sorts girl (who is actually very unwell at the moment) at home with daddy. I felt so much better and happy I had gone.
#2 - What we eat is so important to our everyday health. I realized today that I really need to refocus myself, what and how we eat. As we already have to watch out for Sophie's peanut allergy (yeah I am that mom) and my husband's every other nut allergy (yeah you read right)I am very diligent about reading labels and ingredients trying to make the best possible choices for our family. I find this challenging most days. Thing is with what I have read to date in clean eating recipes, a lot of the substitions they use involve nuts - almonds especially. I love almonds but I refuse to make one meal for me and one for my family. That just won't work!
Now I am sure that I can substitute out for better grain choices from the nuts, but this is going to require more research and time. I know we will get there but just not today, tomorrow or maybe even next week. One of my friends made a very good point. - she likes things that are bad for her, but she doesn't look at them like that anymore. Instead of beating herself for these missteps and continuing to call them bad, she looks at them as learning experiences and moves forward. Mistakes happen though I honestly think she doesn't let these mistakes happen very often. Let's move on.
I have decided to take it one day and week at a time right now. I have lost 14 pounds to date and that is a great accomplishment. I want to see that scale go down again next week so this week I am committing to really watching what I eat and when I eat it. Time to move forward.
P.S. I didn't realize how much of an emotional eater I really was. That is another blog for another day!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The newest angel . . .
I just found out this afternoon that a good friend's mom passed away on the weekend. My heart aches for her and her family because this has been a long hard struggle for them. Having beaten two rounds of Cancer in the past four years, things were really beginning to look up again for her. Unfortunately, no one saw the congestive heart failure caused by the chemo, not even her doctors, lurking around the corner just waiting to strike.
Last week they knew it was bad, they just didn't know it was going to turn even worse so quickly. In speaking with her today though, I am astounded by my friend's strength and resolve. I know she has had horrible moments in the last five days, she told me about some of them, but we also talked a lot about quality of life.
When I worked at Parkwood, in what feels like a million years ago now, I learned very quickly about quality of life from all angles - the impact on the patient now and in the future; the impact on the family now and in the future; making sure that your wishes are known so that in these trying times, the right thing can be done. I didn't get the sense that this family had had that conversation -- who knew they would have to -- but it was clear that they knew what mom wouldn't have wanted - to be hooked up indefinitely to life support on the off chance she might pull through. That is no way for her to live or for the family who is left behind. In this situation, no matter how you feel, you just can't be selfish.
They are having a small private family funeral on Thursday at 1 p.m. I know my friend has already said her goodbyes. I hope she takes that moment and many more for years to come to celebrate the wonderful woman who was her mother. And in an ironic twist of fate she also told me that she is 3 1/2 months pregnant. This baby will have one of the funniest and kindest guardian angels looking down over them. Rest in peace.
Last week they knew it was bad, they just didn't know it was going to turn even worse so quickly. In speaking with her today though, I am astounded by my friend's strength and resolve. I know she has had horrible moments in the last five days, she told me about some of them, but we also talked a lot about quality of life.
When I worked at Parkwood, in what feels like a million years ago now, I learned very quickly about quality of life from all angles - the impact on the patient now and in the future; the impact on the family now and in the future; making sure that your wishes are known so that in these trying times, the right thing can be done. I didn't get the sense that this family had had that conversation -- who knew they would have to -- but it was clear that they knew what mom wouldn't have wanted - to be hooked up indefinitely to life support on the off chance she might pull through. That is no way for her to live or for the family who is left behind. In this situation, no matter how you feel, you just can't be selfish.
They are having a small private family funeral on Thursday at 1 p.m. I know my friend has already said her goodbyes. I hope she takes that moment and many more for years to come to celebrate the wonderful woman who was her mother. And in an ironic twist of fate she also told me that she is 3 1/2 months pregnant. This baby will have one of the funniest and kindest guardian angels looking down over them. Rest in peace.
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